Today I write for therapeutic reasons. typically, I write because some idea or thought hits me and I just like to get it out there. I do find it to be reassuring somehow that others share those same thoughts or appreciate the idea as kooky as my thoughts may be sometimes. Sometimes I write because I'm hoping to be the spring, to motivate someone to think about things differently. Even if no one reads it, I at least know I've put it out there in the "blogosphere" and that is gratifying enough for me. Sometimes I write because I'm grateful, happy or inspired and just want to capture it for a moment.
I write for many reasons, usually I'm perky, optimistic, sunshiny even. I find life to be wondrous and would usually rather consider the sunny side of things. Even when I'm spouting about some injustice or which corporation or country I'm "mad at" this time for lack of regard for humanity, I'm still hopeful. Today, that's not why.
Today I write because at this moment I don't feel any of those things. Today I feel frustrated, stuck in this moment, I feel the brick in my belly and I write to purge myself of it. Even an optimist has a bad day I guess, and I suppose today I write because I don't want to feel alone in my bad day. When I'm happy (which really is 99% of the time) I want to share that joy, but like the saying goes "misery loves company" so I guess I also want to know that others have those bad days too.
Today I write so that I can remind myself of all the things I usually say...you choose your attitude, without pain we can't appreciate joy, there is always a lesson...
I write because in this moment I'm working on a lesson in patience, patience with myself, with God, patience in waiting for the attitude, the joy, the lesson. It's coming, I know it is and this moment will pass, I just have to hang in there.
Thanks for hanging in there with me, for reading these ( really depressing) words, for knowing that tomorrow it will be better, but please go read something sunny now, cause today this just ain't it!