Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Penis Envy

I love being a woman, I identify strongly with my femininity and I'm definitely a "girly girl." Yet today, for the first time, for a brief moment in time I wished I had a penis! I was on my way home from work, which as you may know by now is a long way for me, when my lovely car decided she was tired. The car stopped smack dab in the middle of the busiest road during rush hour! I turned and turned the key, but nothing happened! Cars came screeching behind me, whizzing past honking their horns and undoubtedly calling me a litany of names. I called my husband, my darling of a husband, who though he was over an hour away said "I'll be there as soon as I can, be careful."

I sat in the car feeling helpless, I had called my husband, now what? I became aware that it would be safer to get out of the car for although I had my flashers on the cars speeding behind me didn't seem to realize the vehicle was stopped until they were right on top of me. Very carefully I got out and stood in the weeds beside the highway. Car after car drove past containing people inside who apparently thought it was some type of entertainment to stare at the lady on the side of the road in heels. No one stopped to help, but plenty of people honked angrily (because I totally stopped my car in the middle of the road on purpose). I suddenly had a thought, if I were a man I would know what to do, if I were a man I could push the car elsewhere, if I were a man I wouldn't feel so...helpless.

Eventually a cop showed who called a tow truck regardless of the fact that I told her my husband was on his way and had already called a truck. The truck showed up and pulled my car to a place of safety until the next truck and my husband appeared. I took the opportunity to call friends and catch up. At this point I decided that I didn't need to be a man, but I didn't need to be helpless either so I decided that I would take some classes in mechanics (Go ahead, those of you know me can pause to laugh, yes I know what a funny image, Cheryl underneath a car with her high heels hanging out from under!). Eventually the second tow truck came and my husband made his way to me.

Now, we drove almost the whole way home in James' van "Grimace" (the van is named grimace because it is purple). Guess what happened, you'll never believe it, the van got a flat! At this point James began to get flustered, I stayed positive "it's OK, we're close to home, and you have a spare." He got out the spare and began to remove the bolts from the tire when his jack (or whatever tooly thingy that was) snapped. Now he was helpless! He has a penis, but he too was helpless. We ended up having to call my mom to come get the two of us! I love irony, and I love that God has a sense of humor!

I guess today I learned that we all need help, penis or no penis!I'm glad I'm a woman still, but I will learn how to fix a car...or at least get a AAA membership!

7 comments:

Mom said...

I vote you get the AAA membership.

Jodi said...

AAA is the best! I've used them several times already...sigh. If you're stuck on a freeway, you get highest priority : )

Anonymous said...

Hey Fab,

I was looking on a website the other day for educational materials to use in trainings. They had a lot of penises (peni?), but I don't think any of them would have helped you fix a car!

FAB said...

Thanks Jodi and Mom, maybe I will go with AAA.

Would it be penisis or peni? I may have to look that up, I don't usually think in terms of more than one!

Michelle Hodges said...

OMG...I'm sorry I laughed, but that could only happen to you. I sell insurance so I could go on a litany of things you could have bought to help you in this situation. However, that won't help now...just get the AAA membership!!

FAB said...

Thanks Michelle, it's OK to laugh! I was laughing my tush off by the time we got home last night! It's certainly not worth getting mad or upset over!

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