Monday, June 23, 2008

Bad Day

I had a rough weekend. It started with going to pick up my car which cost significantly more than I had hoped, there went my son's birthday party and season tickets to the local amusement park...but I had my car back, and she was running smoothly, thank you Bill the mechanic! As depressing as that expense was, I usually don't let things get me down...but then my leg decided to do it's best impression of a sausage! My right leg and foot are horribly swollen and tight, I attribute it to the psoriatic arthritis. I went to the urgent care facility nearby and while waiting there I saw an older woman come in. I believe she had probably fallen as she was holding her bottom and having obvious difficulty walking. She sat down and I noticed her legs...they looked like mine. She was in her eighties, I in my thirties, this didn't seem right.

I came home for the first time and cried about this lovely autoimmune disorder. I didn't feel that I should feel sorry for myself, or that the PA is necessarily "bad" it has just become a new part of my life, something that I have to make accommodations for. This weekend though for the first time I cried because I am in pain, I cried because I am tired, I cried because my body doesn't work like a 33 year old's body is "suppose" to work. Got that out of my system and moved on.

Then today I became angry. The funny thing with my PA is that it isn't something that people can generally see, when it is visible via my limp or the oh so sexy T.E.D. hose I so fashionably donned today, people suddenly feel they have the right to inquire about my medical history. I don't mean people who know me, and are concerned when they see have difficulty getting around, I mean complete strangers! When I limp, strangers think they can say, "hey, did you hurt yourself?" or "ooh, what happened." A short answer like no I didn't injure myself is never satisfactory and they want to know more, and me being me, I politely offer my medical history.

This evening I was waiting for my son while he had an appointment and a complete stranger who saw me sitting and waiting asked "what happened?" I tried to brush it off with a polite answer, but he continued, saying how neat T.E.D hose are. Does he know what he is talking about? Has he ever had to wear these awful, itchy, completely unfashionable things? My anger at the hundreds of rude people who have inquired about my limp or my hose boiled over, and rather rudely I responded by saying "yeah, they're great to need at 33 years old, and they bring such nice attention." Immediately I felt awful as he quickly excused himself, and wished me "luck with that."

So, I feel bad because I was terribly mean to a stranger, I'm angry that people are so darn nosey, and frustrated that my body has changed and I must adjust. I will try not to be so rude again in the future, but honestly, I feel as if I should just put a sign around my neck detailing my medical records! So if you see me, limping around somewhere, compliment me on my clothes, my great fashion sense, or great lipstick, but please don't point and stare at my hose or ask me what happened, results could be hazardous!

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