Saturday, August 23, 2008
Today I can not be a "warrior," not today.
My son is about to learn of the cruelty and hazy assumptions that sometimes rule our world, and there is nothing I can do about it. He has been characterized by a label and no matter what I say or how I say it I can not change their minds. He is going to have to be his own warrior and fight this battle for himself. I can not prove to them who he really is, only he can do that.
For the first time in his life I can not shield nor protect him from the view others have of mental illness. Right now, his school sees only THAT label, to them, at this moment he is nothing more and they are afraid of what they do not know. They have been blinded by their assumptions and no matter how much righteous indignation I can muster their assumptions, no matter how discriminatory, will not change. Only my precious son can do that.
Come tomorrow I have to explain to him what is happening, I will have to look at the hurt, disappointment and anger in his face and then will have to send him "out there" to conquer attitudes for himself. I have no choice but to be positive and strive to see the best in this, and somehow I have to show him the best in it too. I will have to stand behind him and cheer him forward but no longer can I wage on for him.
Today is a new day in my title as "mother," today will be a new day as my son is forced to be man. He can do this, I know he can...but how I wish he didn't have to, at least not today, not yet.