Search for Meaning

Late Night Phone Calls

2010-06-13T10:38:00.003-04:00

I experienced a few terrific days, after all, Dave Hingsburger was in Butler again and his words always inspire and reinvigorate! It was a terrific couple of days, filled with bustling activity and excitement, but afterward, something happened that shook me a little...details are not important. I spent Friday evening in my head, judging selfishness, power and control. I was ruminating, milling it over and over again. As I'm sure you know, this is not a good place to be.

Suddenly, on Friday night as I was watching a movie with the kids, the phone rang. I was startled, as it was my work cell phone, it rarely rings, especially this late. I didn't recognize the number but answered. It was a wrong number. Now one would expect that when a person gets such a call, the conversation is brief. I however, ended up on the phone with Delores for about 30 minutes. Delores is an older woman, having health problems and difficulty seeing. When she realized she had a wrong number, she became frustrated and started to cry. She explained that she was trying to call her grandson, but couldn't see the numbers to get it right. I tried to help her figure out what numbers were the right ones, and then she shared stories from her life. After 30 minutes, she sounded less frustrated and suddenly apologized for keeping me so long, I said it was Ok, I didn't mind at all. So, Friday night, I went to bed thinking of Delores, her life, her current frustration, her kindness...I had forgotten why I was so tense earlier.

Saturday came and it was busy. By Saturday evening, I was once again ruminating on the negative, worrying about what to do and what others do. I couldn't concentrate on the movie James had brought home. At about 10:15, my cell phone rang again. Once again I was startled and didn't recognize the number, but answered. Once again it was Delores. "Oh my, I called you yesterday didn't I? I'm so sorry, I just can't read these numbers!" She started crying. Again we spoke for a while, this time she told me about her husband the fireman, her adopted son and her grandson. She told me about her medical appointments coming up and her recent stay in the hospital. She told me about her frustration at not being able to do for herself at 84 years old. She also told me about all the kindness that surrounded her. The nurses who helped her during the day, the neighbors who go to the store for her, the "angels" she said she was fortunate to have around her. She included me in her list of "angels", because I didn't angry when she dialed the wrong number and I talked to her. She spoke of the importance of kindness and doing for others and how this was how she always lived her life, so she felt that in her hour of need she was being repaid....
Somehow, by the time I got off the phone I had her address and she was hoping I would visit. Once again, by the time I hung up, I forgot what I was worrying over.

While, Delores called me an angel, I think for the past two nights she has been mine, magically calling when I needed it most and allowing me to share kindness with a stranger. She has reminded me of my favorite lesson, that of giving to others. When we give selflessly, we forget the "self" but meet so many of our needs in the process. Delores and I have given to each other, I hope she calls again tonight....

Hell In a Hand Basket?

2010-02-18T19:27:00.003-05:00

My community is in an uproar, debates about death penalty abound and it seems that since news of Jennifer Daugherty's murder there have been numerous crimes in my hometown...a rapist dressed as a woman, a little boy broke a classmates wrist,we are on the news every night! It would be easy for me to become consumed by the chaos and hate currently swirling around me, but I can't.

I have read posts on news pages touting vengeance and preaching about the decline of society. I have read arguments of people who state that crime rates escalate because society is so "liberal", because parents don't spank, because we give people too many excuses...

Well, I did some reading today. Crime statistics have actually gone down. In fact, in the first quarter of last year violent crimes dropped in spite of a recession, when we would normally see rates increase. the truth is that in the last century we have gotten better at treating our fellow beings with dignity. Race and gender relations have improved and acceptance of the LGBT community has increased, I believe that in the next 10 years or less gay marriage will and should be legal across the States.

We still have a long way to go. People with disabilities are still devalued and experience abuse at staggering rates, the LGBT community is still persecuted and oppression abounds across the globe. The truth is though, that things have gotten better, it's sometimes hard to see, but it has gotten better. Just look at the person next you, go out into your community and observe the unspoken acts of kindness that happen every day.

So, while it's tempting to think that world is going to hell in a hand basket, the truth is that the human experience can be and often is so beautiful! While I and others continue to speak out against injustice, as we should, it is still important to look around with optimism. We have already come so far...we will make it the rest of the way. Maybe I'm too positive, but how would I get through the day if I weren't?

Let's DO Something!

2010-02-16T19:37:00.004-05:00

This post is written specifically to those on Candlelight Vigil in Honor of Jennifer Daugherty, and anyone else who wants to make a substantial difference!

"The press and media continue to largely ignore this issue. I know of only three significant stories on this issue over the last ten years. Most reports describe isolated crimes with no hint that there is a large, serious, and persistent pattern of violence directed against people with disabilities." Said Dan Sorensen who also stated "Crime and violence against people with disabilities is most likely the largest."

Jennifer Daugherty has captured our hearts and rage against those who tortured and killed her, and I propose that in Jennifer's honor and to prevent these things from continuing to happen to others, everyone speaking out for Jennifer can make a difference in other ways as well.

People with intellectual disabilities are 4-10times likely to be victims of crime compared to the non-disabled population and up 90% of people with intellectual disabilities are sexually abused, 49% of them experiencing 10 or more separate instances...society is largely unaware of these statistics because people with disabilities are devalued in our society.

People with disabilities in addition to being abused more than any other population are also extremely lonely which could result in dangerous friendships being made if at all...We could each channel the energy we have now into making a substantial difference in Jennifer's honor!

I propose that each of us befriend a person with a disability, lets start a volunteer organization that matches people with disabilities in the community with "mentors' or friends based on common interests. The benefits would be two-fold. First each of us would enjoy a quality reciprocal relationship with a person with a disability while breaking down the stigma attached to disability. Secondly, we could end the loneliness that so many people with disabilities experience, and provide a positive, meaningful relationship, possibly helping to protect someone from forging relationships with those who would abuse and humiliate.

Jennifer doesn't have to be forgotten, her story can become a catalyst for change in our community and others...I beg you all, let's not just talk about it, Let's do something!

Too Close to Home

2010-02-14T13:39:00.004-05:00

Tragedy struck my hometown this week. The middle school which my son attends became the scene of a horrific end to life. Reports began with news that a body was discovered wrapped in plastic shoved in a garbage can in the school parking lot. Within a day news spread that the body was that of a 30 year old woman named Jennifer Daugherty who had been tortured for 36 hours before being dumped like garbage at the local middle school. As news of the events around her death began to emerge, something in my gut told me that she had a disability. Later, we were told this was the case. She was tortured and killed by six people, people who lived on the outskirts of society, people who themselves have been described as having disabilities from mental health disorders to intellectual disabilities.

The community has rallied around Jennifer Daugherty, shocked by her death and how close to home this hits. She is being described as "vulnerable" because she wanted so desperately to belong. Now everyone has an opinion about what should happen to the people who did this and what happened leading up to Jennifer's death. Some have even said that her family is responsible, because Jennifer is described as having "the mind of a 12 year old", so her family should have been supervising her more closely. So now we begin to blame Jennifer and her family, by calling her vulnerable and holding her parents responsible....

It was not by virtue of Jennifer's disability that she was "vulnerable," but by virtue of how this community and others view people with disability! The most common complaint of those with disabilities is that of loneliness, people with disabilities experience crime at double the rates of others. Why? because we don't value people with disabilities! All those who now rally around Jennifer without knowing her, would probably have paid her little attention in life. People are outraged and distraught by her death, they feel compassion for her and her family, yet when given the opportunity to befriend someone with a disability, they would probably have turned away. I write this not to condemn us of being heartless, but in the hopes that out of this tragedy can come understanding of how WE contribute to the countless crimes against people with disabilities. We don't do it intentionally, but we do it by turning away, by thinking it's someone else's responsibility, by denying all people their humanity.

I am hopeful that these tragic events will become a battle cry for people with disabilities, a forum through which they can scream "enough is enough" and for Jennifer and so many others, maybe the rest of us will finally listen!

Uncertainty

2009-08-13T22:08:00.002-04:00

These are precarious times. The economy has declined, argument and debate have ensued over health care and other issues and for many a sense of apathy seems to be creeping in. Human service organizations here in Pennsylvania are struggling and afraid. Numerous changes, too many to count, have taken place within the State system and now there is deadlock over the State budget. This has left State employees without pay, and leaves numerous Social Service organizations in a state of fear. People sit back and wait...some complain...some are moved to action.

Apathy maintains the status quo, or diminishes prospects. Action creates change. I sit and think about how far so many communities have come, particularly the disability community. In the past 50 years alone numerous dramatic changes have occurred which created awareness and better lives. Whether through the action of parent groups, self advocates, or dedicated social activists, change has happened, dramatic change, yet currently we sit in a state of surrender. Haven't we come too far to give up now? Whether this or other issues are important to you, isn't it up to YOU to do something? None of us is helpless in any situation and haven't we yet learned the lessons of history? That even a few small voices can rise to deafening levels with enough passion and belief!

So, even if it's uncertainty about your own economic future, you can do something, cut costs, take a second job, maintain hope. If you're concerned about a social issue whether because you are personally affected or simply can not witness injustice, don't just sit back, do something! Change can and does happen, but only when we stand up and make it happen. So call your legislatures, make creative solutions, or spread awareness, but whatever you do, please don't just sit there!

Value

2009-06-10T18:03:00.002-04:00

When I come home at the end of the day, no matter what that day has been like or how silly I may think myself, I am greeted by three children who run right to me for hugs. Behind them is my husband, hanging back to offer a peck on the lips and to ask about my day. I then enjoy stimulating conversation with my Mom. Whatever has happened throughout my day, I come home and find that I am cherished, loved and valued as the person I am. When I think about the almost 15 years I have been working in this field, I am hard pressed to remember people who have chosen services who have people to greet them at the end of the day and let them know they are valued.

Today I was talking with a man who struggled back tears as he spoke about someone he knows who he feels certain is being abused. This woman, who has chosen services, uses alternatives to spoken communication and people don't believe the things she does try to communicate(about the abuse), with the exception of this one man. He has tried to make sure people know, he has tried to make it stop, but because this woman can't come right out and say "I am being abused," she is being left right where she is and nothing is being done. It's partly because of the way our system is set up, but mostly it points to the lack of value we have for people with disabilities.

Don't believe that people with disabilities aren't valued? In this country we pay people in prison about 19cents an hour for work, I have supported people who worked at "workshops" and got a 19cent paycheck for two weeks of work...The R word still gets thrown around as one of the lowest insults one can be paid...People still tell me I must "be a really special person" to work in this field...Almost everyone I know with an intellectual disability has been abused, and of all those people, not one of them have seen their abuser behind bars....the list goes on and on.

So at the end of the day, I get to come home and be seen, heard and known as a full human being and know that I am valued...but somewhere else there is a woman coming home to get used and abused, even though people suspect it...how valued does she feel?

Sand Through the Hour Glass

2009-06-03T18:12:00.003-04:00

Well, it has been a very long time since I posted anything. I didn't intend not to post, time just seems to have gotten away from me and with no spare time my creative juices have been running on short supply!

Speaking of time slipping away...My son will turn 13 in July. I don't know where the time has gone, and his becoming a teenager troubles me on a variety of levels. First of all I will officially be RAISING A TEENAGER, and frankly I'm not sure how qualified I am for that one, and secondly it reminds me that I too am aging and as I contemplate my own mortality I wonder what my existence on this planet will mean, if anything.

As a younger me, I had plans to change the world, at one time through music at another as some crusading marauder for peace and equality across the planet. Now I've found that I've come to a place where I'm still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I know that I want to continue working and advocating for and with people with intellectual disabilities...but how? I keep going back to school as if the answer will somehow appear and yet I have no more clarity today than I did yesterday. I'm guessing that many people start question their place in the world at one time or another, so I know I'm not alone, but it's a precarious place to be...

But, what keeps popping into my head, as silly as it will sound, is some Miley Cyrus song (my kids love her, so I too am subjected to her music), and it says something about climbing a mountain, It's not about getting there, it's the journey...something cheesy along those lines anyway. Well here's the thing, while I'd love some macaroni with all that cheese, it's true! It is all about the journey, and I keep forgetting to stop and pick some flowers and take it all in, I've been too busy worrying about the end result. The end result doesn't matter, it's great to have goals, but when does life ever turn out like intended? Yet, somehow things have always seemed to turn out in some cosmic, Divine way that's always so much better than what I ever could have planned.

So I am taking some time right now to think about my journey and how it's made me into who I am and brought me to all the good in my life. Then I'm going to stop and take some time to enjoy the trip, because that's what life is...one heck of an unbelievable trip!

Tyranny

2008-10-01T20:16:00.004-04:00

Of all Tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. Those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.
Lewis, 1952

I have always had a fondness of C.S. Lewis, but the other day I saw this quote and nearly fell over. I'm not sure who, if anyone in particular, Lewis was thinking of as he wrote this, but I find it to capture the tyranny within the disability service system to a T.

I was once guilty of doing things "for the good" of the people I supported, I see people daily who are doing things "for the good" of people they support, and work within a system that does a heck of a lot "for the good" of those we support. And it's true, acts of oppression are carried out with the "approval" of the systems and individual consciences. We make ourselves feel better daily by believing it is "for the good," meanwhile the people we support are often railing against the system and the hundreds of things done daily to them "for the good."

What's difficult is that the system is there for good reason, people working within the system do care and wish to make a difference. I don't know anyone in this field I could classify as "evil," yet in pursuit of "better" lives for those we support, we often ignore their voices and their own choice of what a "better" life is. The people we support are isolated, lonely, bored and have thousands of frustrated ambitions, yet we can sleep soundly at night because we're doing it all "for their good."

Finding this quote reminded me not to get too comfortable, it reminded me to always ask if what I'm doing is "for the good," it reminded me that I should not be powerful, but be an ally in the pursuit of the chosen lives of those we support. I ask the rest of you, please consider your daily actions...are you tyrannizing someone with your good intentions?

2008-09-19T08:14:00.001-04:00

Assumptions

2008-09-11T21:29:00.002-04:00

Well it has been a while my friends, and I may be a little rusty, but here goes...

As I noted before, I have begun moonlighting as waitress. I love food and love people so I thought it would be something I'm good at, and it turns out I'm pretty right. I didn't realize how many valuable lessons I would learn.

Previous to waitressing myself, I suppose I had many assumptions about who was serving my meals. I assumed that as a server, most people were either college students working through school, or people who hadn't gone on to higher education and simply enjoyed the value of a good days work. Well, I was wrong. There are several traditional aged college students working at the restaurant, but just about everyone else already has a degree, some in the process of obtaining a master's, a few who already have a master's. I have quickly learned that just as the economy has pinched my budget, for others it has meant working full time as a server because good jobs are hard to find.

The people I work with are amazing, some down right brilliant. Many have travelled across the globe on various pursuits, others have incredible life stories. The people I work with are complete, whole, interesting and complex people just as I am. I have quickly learned though that when serving, the customer's rarely think about the complex person who is delivering their dessert.

I think through other posts, many of you will have figured out that I'm a pretty outgoing person, I love being around others and adore a little spotlight attention. Well, I have never felt invisible before, but as a server, one often does. Yes, many customers are very nice, several are regulars who have come to know the servers, but most barely look us in the eye. I don't expect to be discussing the meaning of life at work, I realize that at this second job, my function is to serve food and do it well, but am I not still the complex person I was before I put on the apron?

I look around at my coworkers, and feel sad that other's aren't taking the time to get know or even consider these amazing people as whole people! I charge all of you to think about it the next time you're out, Of course I wouldn't expect you to ask your server to sit down and join you, but remember...you just may be being served your seafood pomodoro by a warrior princess who is plotting to save the world!

"Double agent"

2008-08-28T22:01:00.002-04:00

I have acquired a second job! My first job is awesome, and I think we are well compensated for our work-particularly as it is in human services, but no one will ever get rich in this field! With the economy the way that it is, our money just doesn't seem to stretch out quite enough, so I am now moonlighting as a waitress. I love it! The restaurant is amazing! The people are great! but this means I have less time for blogging. I will still post, and I have of course abandoned the blog for periods in the past. Keep your eyes peeled and I'll pop up at least a few times a week.

I'm attaching the link for the restaurant, you have to check it out, Chef Dato rocks! I highly recommend that if you are ever in the area you should stop by. You'll have the best meal ever!http://www.chefdato.com/tinlizzyabout.html

"Make the most of yourself..."

2008-08-26T20:42:00.002-04:00

Savannah, my daughter, just started 4th grade on Monday. She was given a homework folder and on the back are a list of great quotes. I'd like to share them with you, my favorites indicated in blue.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you-
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good character consists of knowing the good, desiring the good, and doing the good-
Thomas Lickona

Hate is like acid.It can damage the vessel in which it is stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured- Ann Landers

People need to respect each other's concerns and differences. And frankly, there's far more in common than divides us- David Dinkins

Parents can only give advice or put kids on the right path, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands- Ann Frank

Words can destroy. What we call each other ultimately becomes what we think of each other, and it matters- Jeane Kirkpatrick

Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of overcoming it-
Helen Keller

We must use our lives to make the world a better place, not just acquire things-
Delores Huerta

To do good in the world, first you must know who you are and what gives meaning in your life- Paula P. Brownlee

This above all: to thine own self be true-
William Shakespeare

Do you have a favorite quote? Please share any really good ones, or pick your favorite from this list.

8th Graders and Heroin?

2008-08-25T21:32:00.003-04:00

That's right, did you know there are 8th grade students who use heroin? I'm sure somewhere in my mind I understood this, but never really thought it was true and certainly not present in the quaint suburban schools where I live. Well today I learned that 8th graders can not only use heroin, but also transport it to school via their backpacks!

How do I know this nugget of information? Because my son who is still restricted to PG movies is in class with someone who was busted with heroin in her backpack! Of course, it was planted there (according to her).

My rather sad blog on Saturday was in reference to the schools decision to place my son (supposedly temporarily) in an "alternate" setting. What it boils down to is that they don't know what else to do because of that oh so scary label he carries. Up until his transition to middle school last year he did very well, with some help from me and teachers. At the middle school level he no longer had only one teacher throughout the day and because my requests for support for him had fallen on deaf ears, it was a difficult transition. Academically he still fared pretty well, but if you review a much earlier blog(seen, not heard) you may note that I was suddenly getting calls because he "laughed and moved around" in the lunch room.

So, now my son is at school with heroin using 8th graders and students who have attacked teachers...Tyler did very well today and is keeping his goal in mind, to get back to regular school as soon as possible. I'm doing everything I can to support him, meanwhile contemplating staking out the school to ensure that no illegal activity comes close to my son! OK, so I won't stake out the school and I know that Tyler is well educated and above those influences, but I have to wonder...What the hell were they thinking???!!!!!!

Not Today

2008-08-23T12:28:00.003-04:00

Today I can not be a "warrior," not today.

My son is about to learn of the cruelty and hazy assumptions that sometimes rule our world, and there is nothing I can do about it. He has been characterized by a label and no matter what I say or how I say it I can not change their minds. He is going to have to be his own warrior and fight this battle for himself. I can not prove to them who he really is, only he can do that.

For the first time in his life I can not shield nor protect him from the view others have of mental illness. Right now, his school sees only THAT label, to them, at this moment he is nothing more and they are afraid of what they do not know. They have been blinded by their assumptions and no matter how much righteous indignation I can muster their assumptions, no matter how discriminatory, will not change. Only my precious son can do that.

Come tomorrow I have to explain to him what is happening, I will have to look at the hurt, disappointment and anger in his face and then will have to send him "out there" to conquer attitudes for himself. I have no choice but to be positive and strive to see the best in this, and somehow I have to show him the best in it too. I will have to stand behind him and cheer him forward but no longer can I wage on for him.

Today is a new day in my title as "mother," today will be a new day as my son is forced to be man. He can do this, I know he can...but how I wish he didn't have to, at least not today, not yet.

Today I got a gift

2008-08-21T19:52:00.002-04:00

Today I was a given a gift from one of my favorite people. To show gratitude, he had purchased a book, but not just any book. He took the time to really consider who I am, and gave me a book that fit with that. He made a perfect selection and I am so excited that someone took the time to REALLY consider who I am. It's not often that people do that. That wasn't the best part of the gift though...

As he presented me with this thoughtfully selected treasure he took the time to explain it. He talked about who I am, and I'm pretty sure I heard the term "Warrior princess". I like that! That's a moniker I can really sink my teeth into, maybe next week I won't be fab anymore! It was a wonderful gift from another person who could describe how they see me, who I am( He did say more than just warrior princess-but boy that stuck out). It was a great gift to know that someone looked so deeply. That wasn't the best part of the gift though...

Inside the book was a card. The card was a beautiful one expressing gratitude, again within this card some virtues were noted, sincere appreciation expressed. It was as thoughtful and carefully selected as the book, as was the inscription within. It takes real time to do this, to pick the perfect card, write the perfect words and not a lot of people take that time these days. I felt pretty nice to know that someone, who didn't have to, had really considered me, took time out of their hectic, demanding schedule to really express that in some way I am important to another human being. That wasn't the best part of the gift though...

The best part of the gift was a word written inside the card. It was the word "friend." That is the gift I am most grateful for from this person and anyone else who bestows that title upon me. To be called friend and to have people I can call friend, that's a true blessing. Especially to have the friends I have been blessed with. I have a friend I admire and respect, a friend with knowledge and compassion and dedication. A friend who takes the time, and who is just one of several others who would give me time should I need it. I am called "friend, " that's the true gift.

"English Idol"

2008-08-20T20:16:00.005-04:00

Tonight I was playing with my lovely 4 year old, Ashton (Little angel in pink). We were sitting outside swinging, when she started to talk about what life will be like when she grows up. She informed me that she wants to be a Mommy, she would like three children, two girls and one boy (hmmm, I have two girls, one boy). This prompted me to ask other questions, "Well do you just want to be a mommy, or would you like to do other things as well?" At this point she informed me that she will work at my job (I don't blame her, it's a great job!). I then asked if she will be married and what her husband will be like, at which time she stated "well, he'll be handsome and kinda bald" (she just described her dashing father- James dashing man in back). At this point I turned to her and exclaimed "Do you want to be me when you grow up?" "Yes," was her reply, "but my name will be Ashton!"

This conversation brought about memories of similar conversations with my son (Tyler, handsome young man on right), who used to say that I was the most beautiful woman on the planet and he would marry me when he grew up. He was of course very young, when he got old enough get the whole "Oedipus" thing, he would then say that when he got married, he and his wife would have to live right next door to me, and when he flew to the moon I would have to go with him as he couldn't bear to be too far away from me! Those days are long gone, he now refuses to be seen in public with me and proclaims to the world that his mom is the "biggest nerd ever!"

While I want all my children to be their own person, I realized this evening how precious it is to be "idolized" so. I will never be famous or have a fan club, yet have been (however temporary) an idol to the three most important people in the world to me. What a big job that is! But what a delightful responsibility. I realized tonight that while this type of adoration may be fleeting it is so precious, and I would like to believe indicative of the great relationship I enjoy with each of my kids. No, it's not always a day at the park, but they always know they are loved, they always have someone to play with or talk to, they always have a support system and are never belittled or humiliated. They get to see and hear me stand up for what I believe in, work hard, place value on education and most importantly in other human beings. So while they may not want to be me or want to be with me forever, I am so glad that for even an instant my kids can look at me and think "she's an OK lady" or "that's the kind of mom I want to be." I'm also pretty happy that my kids can look at my life and their own and see it's blessings.

This job did not come with a manual, and it's always hard, but tonight I am patting myself on the back and giving thanks to God and my husband and my mom, who have helped me to cherish and support my kids, to keep them safe and lift them up. So, I celebrate being an "English Idol" (I'm not originally from the U.S. so can't say American), and I celebrate the most amazing three gifts I have ever had!

*I chose to post a picture of my gorgeous family today (I've been hesitant to do so in the past) Don't pay attention to the date on the picture, we never reset it. By the way, little girl on left is my sweet Savannah.

"One Person"

2008-08-15T19:01:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite quotes is "You may only be one person in the world but you can be the world to one person." I often say I hope to have some part in making a difference for at least one person, but you know I think the person affected most is...me.

Through my job, my family, all my big mouthed attempts at teaching people about human rights violations, the person most impacted is myself. Each time I meet someone new, whether it's a consultation at work or someone in my personal life, I walk away with so much from that contact than I ever give to the other person. I guess in that respect what I once thought was an honest pursuit of "saving the world" has always really been about me. I don't do it to be selfish, I rarely think about what I have to gain from the things I do (although I do beam when someone shares their appreciation- it does feel good!) I don't brag about it (except in those cases when someone has called me helpful, then I want everyone to know), I do love it though!

So many people have impacted my life, every day I walk away having learned something or having a richer life because of every experience. I do think I am lucky because I recognize these changes in my life, I am open to them, so many aren't and my heart breaks for them. What a fortunate person I am! I take away so much every day just from living! Maybe it's selfish, I don't know (really I do call myself FAB so there has to be something going on with my ego right?), but I don't want to ever stop.

So, I guess I 'm writing today to thank all of "one person" (s), who have made a world of difference in my life, and I'm writing in anticipation of the "one person" who will come along tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that and...you get my drift. Maybe one day I will make a difference, but in the interim I think I'll keep doing what I'm doing because it sure works well for me!

Stealing a page from Mr. Hingsburger

2008-08-13T09:58:00.002-04:00

Armed with an e-mail address and phone number for Ben Stiller, I have stolen a page from Dave and have written a letter which I already sent.

Dear Mr. Stiller,

I am writing with the hope that reaching out to you will mean reaching many others. I am of course writing in response to your film “Tropic Thunder.” I do believe that the words you use in the film were not meant to hurt; I do believe that, as you say, you were poking fun at self absorbed actors. Here is the problem, just because you don’t use those words to hurt doesn’t mean they hurt any less. People with intellectual disabilities are the last group of openly oppressed people in our country. Part of the problem is that people don’t “think” about the words they use, the ways in which disability is characterized because they don’t give people with ID/DD a thought. The problem with this is that people with ID/DD can then become a target for people who would categorize them as somehow “less than human,” “less than us.”

Did you know that people with disabilities are abused at alarming rates? Some statistics reflect that 90% of the population of people with intellectual disabilities are abused. This is able to happen so frequently because of how disability is characterized across the globe. I am certain that with this information you would rather do something to stop it rather than inadvertently encourage it. Again, I know that hurt was not your intent however, you must be aware that now teenage boys will have new phrases to brandish as weapons against fellow man. “Full r****d” is already being used, and it will only get worse as more people see the film.

Furthermore, are you aware that about 75% of infants with Down syndrome are aborted before they even get a chance at life? I am sure you can see how this might make Mathew McConaughey’s statement in the film "Well, at least you still have a choice. I'm stuck with mine,” more than a little offensive. You see, there is a belief out there that people with ID/DD have less value than those of us who are typically developed. If you don’t believe me, read about Tracy Latimer, Brent Martin, or Danieal Kelly. Sometimes we are still not much better than the Nazi’s and their t-4 program, and we certainly have only come so far since the eugenics movement and forced sterilizations.

I write this letter to ask you to become educated and perhaps, in turn, educate others. I would also like to thank you in a way. Because of your movie, people are speaking out, self advocates are given the opportunity to stand up for themselves and say “enough!” Maybe, because of that, in a few more years we won’t have to have conversations like this any more.
************************************************************************************
If you would like to do the same, here is how:
You can call Ben Stiller and leave him a message at 323-602-5000 contact@dreamworksfansite.com.
DreamWorks SKG Studio DreamWorks SKG 1000 Flower Street Glendale, CA 91201 Tel. (818)-695-5000

Take a look at the protests! http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBI...

Boycot Viacom

2008-08-11T21:34:00.002-04:00

Viacom owns Paramount and Dreamworks, responsible for the film Tropic Thunder. I am personally going to boycot thier brands, and thought I would share the list if anyone is ineterested. You can also e-mail Viacom at http://www.viacom.com/contact/Pages/default.aspx
or sign a petition at ,http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/stopTropicThunder/.
Viacom Brands
MEDIA NETWORKS
BET NETWORKS
BET
BET J
MTV NETWORKS
ATOMFILMS
ADDICTINGGAMES
CMT
COMEDY CENTRAL
GAMETRAILERS
HARMONIX
LOGO
MTV
MTV2
MTVN INTERNATIONAL
MTVU
MTV TR3S
NEOPETS
NICKELODEON - NICK JR.
NICK AT NITE
NOGGIN
PARENTSCONNECT
QUIZILLA
RHAPSODY
SHOCKWAVE
SPIKE TV
THE N
TV LAND
VH1
VH1 CLASSIC
VH1 SOUL
VIRTUAL WORLDS
XFIRE
FILMED ENTERTAINMENT
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORP
PARAMOUNT PICTURES
DREAMWORKS STUDIOS
PARAMOUNT VANTAGE
MTV FILMS
NICKELODEON MOVIES
HOME ENTERTAINMENT
GLOBAL REACH
BRAND INDEX

Please participate in any way you can, it only takes one voice to inspire change but imagine what can be done with thousands!

Speak up against dysphobia!

2008-08-09T19:43:00.002-04:00

http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/

Please visit Dave Hingsburger's blog today. He has written a letter to Ben Stiller regarding his movie "Tropic Thunder." I ask you all to get involved, I will be writing my share of letters and asking some of my friends to do the same. If you or someone you know has a developmental disability, please stand up and speak out. Words after all are only the beginning...that's how the holocaust started.

2300

2008-08-09T17:51:00.003-04:00

I mentioned earlier this week that I was at a conference. It was the National Autism Conference to be exact. When this conference first began some 12 years ago, there were 300 people in attendance, this year there were 2300. It was a sea of expectant faces, some professionals, educators, parents, children and adults with autism and Behavior Analysts abounded. This year was the conferences largest to date, some people had come from across the globe to hear the latest and greatest in autism research, education and "behavior" techniques.

Care worn faces of parents were everywhere. I realized early on that I had stepped into an almost alternate universe, it is a culture in an of itself. Parents are surrounded by people who bow at the altar of Skinner, words like "shaping," "extinction," and "molding" have become a part of their daily vernacular. Appointments with OT, PT, speech and behavior have become a routine part of life. Gluten free diets, chelation therapy, gamma globulin injections and other medical approaches are offered up on the menu of "hopes." I marveled at the courage and determination within many families, particularly astonished by the children who are whisked into a world where others try to mold them into someone new. They patiently abide the rules of this alternate universe and I imagine hope for a day when no one wishes to "mold" them any longer.

There were some small whispers of "cure," but mostly I observed a crusade to understand. The sea of 2300 faces held the frustration, hopes and heartbreak of some, the "expertise" of others, and the bewildered. I'm still not sure what I have taken away from this experience. I picked up a few things, but overall it felt sad. Rather than working toward transforming a cold an misunderstanding world, it seems that instead many in this army of 2300 wished to transform these children. And I'm just not sure what I think about it. All week I heard about approaches and treatment aimed at transformation, but didn't hear about the feelings and needs of people with autism. I know that each parent there cares about their children's feelings, I'm not insinuating that they don't, it's just not something I heard about during all the conversations about "behavior."

If you're reading this and have some thoughts, please post them. I feel like I'm missing some piece of information which will transform this "mystery" universe (from my perspective) into something that I understand. Please know that this blog is not meant to offend, and I apologize if it has presented anyone with anger, but if you are offended please let me know. Perhaps through your anger I can glean a new understanding.

"I hope she dies before me"

2008-08-06T17:29:00.002-04:00

Let me begin with an apology...I have not abandoned my blog, but am away at a conference, and the room I'm in does not have an internet connection (In today's age can you even believe it?). So today has been my first opportunity to make it to a "hot zone"

On Sunday morning I got up and turned on the TV as I sipped my coffee before heading to church. A movie I had not seen before was on, "Autism: The Musical." I have always meant to see it but never had the chance. I can't say I was really watching it as I had other things I needed to do, but paid attention to what people were saying in the film as I went about my business, fully intending to catch the movie in it's entirety another time. Then I heard a mother talk about her daughter. She spoke about how people don't see her value, about what needs to happen so that people will see her value, I was about to stand up and shout "Amen!" when her next sentence stopped me in my tracks. She said "I hope she dies before I do."

I have heard words like these before, I have actually seen elderly parents at their son's funeral grieving, but relieved because now they didn't have to worry. These used to be sentiments I could not understand. When I heard parents of the people I worked with say these things, in my mind it was monstrous. Oh how I have grown since then. Parents who say this don't do so because they don't respect their child or their right to live, they don't say It because they are tired and want a break, they don't say it because they are monsters. They say it because they see the world, cold, cruel and unforgiving and are gripped with the fear that after they are gone there will be no one else to support, protect, love, advocate...

Most parents can't picture a day when they might feel this way. I myself think of my children's future and am filled with hope. I speculate that after I am long gone they will carry on some family traditions, pass on some of my spunk, they will be successful and loved and live big lives full of love and adventure. Whatever challenges my kids face now or when I am gone, they are not living in a world that doesn't accept them, value them, or see them as full human beings. Yes, it is difficult for many of us to imagine wishing our children dead before us, it seems unnatural and out of the natural order. While the parents who do have these thoughts about their children with disabilities are loving parents too, the rest of the world doesn't facilitate ease of mind for these parents. I can not pretend to know this fear, I can not pretend to completely understand, but I have learned that I can not judge. I have also learned that I and others need to keep working to change the world, so that someday no parent has to wish their child's end might come before their own!

I Love my Job!

2008-07-30T20:22:00.002-04:00

Today was one of those days that is usually followed by my return to the office exclaiming "I love my job!" Today I didn't get back to the office as I was away in Harrisburg, so instead of proclaiming it to the office I'm doing it here. Because I can, because this is my blog!

Today was a statewide meeting that I generally enjoy attending, today was even better than usual. There is something really exciting that happens when there are tons of like-minded people together talking about change! We heard several great presentations, examples of what people are doing to promote safety, equality, voices. The goal in mind is simple, nothing extravagant, nothing over the top, it's about ensuring an everyday meaningful life for everyone. Today we heard about how it's being accomplished for kids, for people who access behavioral supports, for people with developmental disabilities. Today was about sharing ideas, sharing resources, sharing best practices that make sense for everyone. People are doing really great work, creating new ways of support, the best ideas are coming from the people who ask for that support and ya know what? Some people are actually listening!

Today I was joined by someone who has made change happen, who stopped and listened, who considered a new way. She is someone who until 18 months ago I had never met, yet today she and the people she works with and the person she supports have become an inspiration to myself and others. They are group of people rallied together to make a difference, they already have and I have been so lucky to have had a small part in it. This group of people and particularly the person they support are in my mind every day. From them and with them I have learned valuable life changing lessons, I have enjoyed a partnership which resulted in a changed life and a new perspective for so many. Today I sat in awe as this young woman wrestled back her nerves to tell the story that has become so important to us all. I felt admiration, excitement and wonder at how far we can come and what it can mean to one or many.

I am so lucky that I get to take part in any of this, that I get to witness it or sometimes can even say "hey I had something to do with that." I FREAKIN LOVE MY JOB!!!!!

Today I write...

2008-07-29T21:35:00.002-04:00

Today I write for therapeutic reasons. typically, I write because some idea or thought hits me and I just like to get it out there. I do find it to be reassuring somehow that others share those same thoughts or appreciate the idea as kooky as my thoughts may be sometimes. Sometimes I write because I'm hoping to be the spring, to motivate someone to think about things differently. Even if no one reads it, I at least know I've put it out there in the "blogosphere" and that is gratifying enough for me. Sometimes I write because I'm grateful, happy or inspired and just want to capture it for a moment.

I write for many reasons, usually I'm perky, optimistic, sunshiny even. I find life to be wondrous and would usually rather consider the sunny side of things. Even when I'm spouting about some injustice or which corporation or country I'm "mad at" this time for lack of regard for humanity, I'm still hopeful. Today, that's not why.

Today I write because at this moment I don't feel any of those things. Today I feel frustrated, stuck in this moment, I feel the brick in my belly and I write to purge myself of it. Even an optimist has a bad day I guess, and I suppose today I write because I don't want to feel alone in my bad day. When I'm happy (which really is 99% of the time) I want to share that joy, but like the saying goes "misery loves company" so I guess I also want to know that others have those bad days too.

Today I write so that I can remind myself of all the things I usually say...you choose your attitude, without pain we can't appreciate joy, there is always a lesson...
I write because in this moment I'm working on a lesson in patience, patience with myself, with God, patience in waiting for the attitude, the joy, the lesson. It's coming, I know it is and this moment will pass, I just have to hang in there.

Thanks for hanging in there with me, for reading these ( really depressing) words, for knowing that tomorrow it will be better, but please go read something sunny now, cause today this just ain't it!

Angels

2008-07-27T15:54:00.003-04:00

Another guest blog from Curly at LiveStrong

*************************************************************************************

Today was a really long and terrific day. This morning we listened to Stephanie Spielman. She is a 3 time breast cancer survivor. Her Husband Chris, is a very famous football player. During her illness he gave up playing football for a year to take care of her. She stated that when she was diagnosed her entire family was diagnosed. This was not her problem alone to share. Her husband, children, parents , and friends were also diagnosed with her cancer. So far her foundation has raised millions of dollars for cancer research and for those who are in need.

I then went to my classes for the day. Watch out Patch team! I learned a lot today that we are going to be using for our conference. I could be dangerous!

From there I went to the zoo. It was a really nice a peaceful tri and I took lots of pictures. Sorry Brian, I didn't get to see the monkeys, but I did touch a starfish!

So the most memorable person I met today was Jonny Imerman. At age 26 he was diagnosed with cancer. He stated while he was receiving his chemo treatment he saw a lot of people that did have the same kind of support that he did. He decided to change that. He started Imerman Angels. They are a non-profit located in Chicago that matches a person who has been diagnosed with cancer with a person who has survived that exact same cancer. That person is now a support, advocate, and free resource for patient. He is terrific. He speaks so openly and honestly. I may like him as much as my soulmate. It could be a close competition! His goal is that every person who is diagnosed will have a match. If you get a chance go to his website: http://www.imermanangels.org

Tomorrow is our final event and then I will leave around 1pm. I can't wait to get home to all of you, but I must say I will miss this new family.

Do you know...

2008-07-27T15:42:00.002-04:00

Jack? If you get a chance please go to www.youtube.com/LivestrongJack . I promise it is worth it. His mother is one of my advisors.

This morning I went to the Keynote with Dr. Richard Carmona, 17th Surgeon General of the United States. He was a Great Speaker. His general message was about prevention.

Then I went to my breakout sessions on advocacy. The first presenter was the Co-founder of Grassroots Solutions, Dan Kramer. He spoke about how to get more people involved in your cause.

Then we spent sometime practicing what it would be like to speak about your cause with government officials. They broke us up into groups of two and then we had to do a mock presentation to a "Senator". Currently my group is in second place. Who knew I had the gift of gab? (Stop Laughing!)

The evening session was given by Dr. Harold Freeman. He is the founder of the Ralph Lauren Cancer Center in Harlem, NY. Dr. Freeman has been a physician for 41 years. He said he had the option to practice anywhere in the country. He chose Harlem because he thinks it is wrong that people are not given the treatment they deserve because of their status. He was one of those people that you could just sit in a room with for hours and listen to him talk.

The main thing I learned today was that everyone has a story. Every person "knows" cancer.

Jeff from Maine, was diagnosed with breast cancer and is a 4 year survivor.

Hank from Ohio, has head and neck cancer and is a 2 year survivor.

Gloria from Chicago, (who works with people that have FAS) is a 10 year breast cancer survivor.

Nicki from Washington, her mother is a 2 year colon cancer survivor.

Lynn from Nashville, has a son who lost his battle with cancer, but has a mother and sister who is fighting it.

Being here makes me grateful for my health and for those I love. Each day is precious.
************************************************************************************

This was another guest blog from Curly. Thanks Curly for sharing your experience at LiveStrong!

LiveStrong

2008-07-25T21:27:00.004-04:00

Today I would like to have a "guest blogger." My wise guardian, who some of you may know as "Curly" is currently in Columbus at the LiveStrong summit. She sent us all an e-mail today to tell us how things are going and I was so excited that I asked if I could post it here. She has graciously agreed, so following is Curly's adventure!

*************************************************************************************

Hi all-

I am going to try to write you a note everyday. This is such a powerful experience, that I want all of you to be able to share it with me. I had a wonderful trip out here and that little GPS is just so smart! It tends to panic a little when I pull into Wendy's for my beloved diet Pepsi suggesting that I make a U-turn at the next possible moment, but I guess it is just going to have to get used to my caffeine needs!

The first thing I did today was to check into my hotel, which is lovely. Then we took buses over to the capital building and registered for the conference. As part of registration we were given yellow liveStrong t-shirts. 1000 people entered the building in clothes of many colors...1000 people exited as soldiers in the fight against cancer wearing there battle clothes. From there we went to Ohio State. While boarding the bus I overheard a woman speaking about her father who had died several weeks ago, only 8 weeks after his diagnosis. She wasn't sad, but there was a look on her face of determination and pride. She was explaining that though he had lost his battle he had fought hard each step of the way and even during his last breath, he was fighting. The stories here are not one of pity, no one wants you to feel bad for them because there is something growing inside their body trying to kill them. The stories here are of strength and hope and survivorship.

I got to the Presidential Town hall early and pretty much had the pick of the seats. For some reason, I thought of "Fab" and how during every training she rushes to sit in the front row, I thought I would do that too. As it turns out I made it into the 2nd row about 20 feet from Lance and Sen.. McCain and directly across from the press corp. I spent 3 hours surrounded by 15 photographers and their very high powered lenses. Imagine my delight! I wasn't allowed to take any pictures today due to security, but I promise I will try my best to take some tomorrow. Speaking of security...the secret service is pretty tough. I am thinking that all of them could kick my ass, so I stayed in my seat and tried not to cause any trouble.

The program began and we had several speakers from the university and the Lance Armstrong foundation, then our host for the evening Paula Zahn came out and shared her story of Cancer. In 1983, weeks apart her parents were diagnosed with cancer. 6 months later her sister-in-law was diagnosed. Her mother is a double mastectomy survivor, here father and sister-in-law lost their battles.

Next was Lance Armstrong (No Kate Hudson was not there). He got a standing ovation. Lance has some key phrases that I think can apply to about anything..."Knowledge is power" and "Attitude is everything". Lance stated that we picked this fight against cancer in 1971 when Richard Nixon created the National Cancer Institute which receives about 5 billion dollars in funding every year. The tobacco companies spend 15 billion dollars a year on marketing. BILLION! Seems kind of off balance. Lance also stated that 1500 people die each day of cancer and 1/3 of those deaths are preventable. Lance was a terrific and passionate speaker.

The next part was a Q and A session between Paula, Lance and Sen. Mccain. I tried to write down all of them, but things were moving faster then my pen could go. Here is what I captured.

Lance: What does Sen. McCain do to keep fit?
McCain: I like to hike swim and do light exercises. 2 years ago the Senator and his son hiked from rim to rim of the Grand Canyon.

Paula: Would you support the increase of a Federal tax on tobacco?
McCain: He does not think that he would. He is not sure that the extra money that would be raised would go towards cancer and tobacco prevention. He stated that many years ago he supported a bill to increase the taxes on tobacco with money to go to the states for education and prevention. He stated that currently not one state uses that money for what it was intended. He also mentioned that he believes that some members of congress are guided by special interests and that until congress is cleaned up he would not support a bill like that.

Paula: What are members of congress afraid of in going up against tobacco companies?
McCain: I'm not sure it is fear, I think certain members of congress are rewarded by tobacco companies.

Paula: How does that happen?
McCain: There are many ways.

Lance: For the past three years the current administration has shrunk the budget for the National Cancer Institute, will you increase or decrease the budget?
McCain: Increase, but I cannot give you a number in which I can increase it by. What I will tell you is that I will decrease pork-barrel spending and that money will go to important things like cancer research.

Well, I guess this was bigger then just a quick note. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend.
************************************************************************************
Thanks Curly!
To see the LiveStrong blog click the link below.
http://livestrongblog.org/2008/07/14/senator-mccain-to-address-livestrong-summit/

Adventures in Babysitting?

2008-07-22T20:29:00.002-04:00

Babysit is defined in Webster's Dictionary as: to care for children usually during a short absence of the parents. I point this out because I recently became very angry while reading People magazine. The magazine of course had an article about the new arrival of Brad Pitt and Angelia Joli's twins. Being as fascinated as everyone else with this beautiful couple and their large family I was intrigued and couldn't help but read the article. Someone described having seen Angelina with her children, and said that you could just see that she was a good mother. Then some actor (I believe it was Morgan Freeman- but don't quote me on that) addressed seeing Brad with the kids while Angelina was shooting a film, and actually described it as babysitting! Listen it's not babysitting when they are your kids!

This happened to my husband several years ago. Our youngest, Ashton was still so small she was in a baby carrier and James took her and the older two kids out and stopped by a video rental place to let the kids pick some movies. While there, the young lady at the counter of course oohed and ahhd at our beautifully kids, then asked my husband why he was babysitting. James, being the wonderful man that he is was offended and he replied to the young woman that they were his children! I have found that we often do this. When a mother is with her children people consider that she is quite simply doing her job, yet when a father does the same thing it's considered babysitting? What a sexist way of looking at family life!

I know, we're getting better at it these days, but still we've got a ways to go. Generally, society does see the role of "caretaker" as that of the mother, but why? Sometimes, women are the most shocked when it comes to this brave new world of father caretakers. My beloved James gets the kids ready for school every morning because I have usually left for work, often if one of the kids gets sick during the work day he leaves work to pick them up and he'll take them to the doctor! When other women hear this, they often become weak in the knees and proclaim my husband to be some sort of super dad. He is a super dad, he is a super husband, he is a what a man, yet he and I get irritated with all the fuss! He only does what a parent should be doing! I am grateful for the incredible PARTNER I have in my husband, I am grateful that he is such a great dad and that we share such an equal, respectful relationship. I would never demean him or his relationship with our kids by implying that his time spent with them is simply "babysitting" in my absence! I wish other's would be as respectful of his relationship with our kids!

So, for all my fellow mother's out there, it's OK to be grateful for having a great husband and hopefully you let each other know how much you are appreciated, but whatever you do, please don't ask him to "babysit," and if someone else calls it that please pull out the dictionary and explain what that word really means!

Humor

2008-07-17T20:27:00.002-04:00

The last few blogs I have composed have been fairly serious, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm a stick in the mud or too worried about the world's injustice to have fun. The truth is humor is the best medicine!

I love to laugh, sometimes it's an awful laugh. I have, on many occasions, laughed so hard that I snorted, at other times I almost cackle and know I pull some very strange faces! I used to worry about my laugh and smile because when I do smile I reveal entirely too many gums. I used to get teased about it, and would try to smile with my mouth closed. Now, I don't even think about. It feels so good to smile, laugh, snort, squeal, etc...and ya know what? It's contagious! Try not to laugh along when you're with someone who is laughing a deep uproarious belly laugh...it can't be done!

Part of what makes my job so great is that we all laugh together, frequently...it would be almost impossible not to with our wise guardian, who I swear in another life may have been a stand up comedian. She truly has the quickest wit of almost anyone I know and absolutely lights up a room. The rest of us can't help but feel good around her, and the humor spreads.

My life with James and my kids is filled with jokes and fun, it brings us closer and is common ground for all of us. Did you know that the average 4 year old laughs something like 400 times a day, while the average adult laughs like 15? Well guess what, I have a 4 year old and just about every time she laughs I'm right there with her...who cares about crows feet and laugh lines, I truly believe that people who laugh often live longer! ( I am guilty of lathering on several creams to prevent the lines...I mean why have them if I don't have to?)

Humor is also very therapeutic. Have you ever cried and snotted all over yourself, felt miserable then someone close to you does or says something that makes you laugh, isn't it wonderful? "My favorite emotion is laughter through tears," said Olympia Dukakis' character in Steel Magnolia's (By the way, that is one of my favorite movie scenes ever...Sally Fields is pure genius at that moment...but I digress). Humor has the power to heal, and a positive attitude gets us way further than anger and frustration.

So, remember not to take yourself too seriously, don't be afraid to be foolish here and there, and try to laugh like a four year old...

Why I like being a pain in the @#$

2008-07-16T11:51:00.004-04:00

I sometimes have the habit of driving other's to frustration. Some people laugh, "Oh that's Cheryl, it's just how she is," others, like my beloved father-in-law love to get me started so to speak just to enjoy a fun debate. While I can laugh at myself, it is also something I take very seriously. You see, what is so distressing to some is my inability to keep my mouth shut on issues of social justice, violence, human rights violations etc...But I'm glad I make people uncomfortable. I once heard someone describe themselves as the broken spring in a La-z-boy. eventually that spring becomes so uncomfortable that the person sitting in it just has to move. I will gladly be that spring as well!

I don't want to live my life cocooned with comfort and safety without being aware that there are many within our human family who aren't safe, who have been stripped of their personal power or basic human needs. I don't think it's OK for me or anyone to turn a blind eye because such issues make us uncomfortable. Dr. Sandra Bloom said "Hate is hate and it is infectious, and it influences action. Our influence upon each other is startlingly powerful. We can all bear witness to this responsibility by responding negatively to racist comments, sexists jokes, any remarks that are designed to hurt or humiliate others." (I would add the r word very specifically to that list). She also points out that "As bystanders become increasingly passive in the face of abusive behavior" the perpetrators become more abusive and more difficult to stop. There is abuse and violence everywhere yet most of us don't talk about it, don't want to think about it, or blame it on the victim. I ask you, how is a child at fault for the abuse inflicted by his or her parents? How are women at fault in countries where they are oppressed, raped, beaten and stripped of their voices? I also ask you, aren't we as much to blame when we stand back as "innocent" bystanders and do not act, do not speak up, do not give another's suffering more than a moments thought?

Bloom reminds us in her book "Creating Sanctuary" of the story of Kitty Genovese who was brutally murdered while "38 of her neighbors watched from their apartment windows." The attack in March 1964 took place in New York, and while it lasted over half an hour, her neighbors watched and failed to call the police until Kitty was dead. We are as guilty as those neighbors when we knowingly remain passive as children starve or are denied access to medical care, as people with disabilities are excluded and oppressed, as women are stripped of their dignity. This list is just the beginning of what we allow to happen within our country, let alone the atrocities carried out around the globe. Melville said "We may have civilized bodies and yet barbarous souls. We are blind to the real sights of the world; deaf to it's voice; and dead to it's death. And not till we know that one grief outweighs ten thousand joys will we become what (God) is trying to make us."

I know it seems overwhelming. We are faced with so much when we begin to pay attention that it threatens to swallow us whole, but making a difference really only requires a small amount of action. The only you thing you need to make a difference is your voice. Speak up, don't be a passive bystander, don't allow people to joke at the expense of an entire group of people. Stand up and say something! Did you know that in the countries where Jewish people were highly valued by society during WWII there were fewer Jews killed? However, in the nations where Jews were devalued and anti-semitism was at it's highest were the countries in which most Jews were killed? awareness and value for all human life can truly make a difference, can actually save a life.

So, I will continue to be that spring in the La-z-boy if that's what it takes, and I'll continue to enjoy being a pain the ass...Won't you join me?

Grace

2008-07-14T21:19:00.003-04:00

For today's blog I'm borrowing a concept mentioned by Dave Hingsburger yesterday. He noted the people who might make comments (from their own superior attitude) such as "there but by the Grace of God..." when challenged by their own discomfort with disability or difference of any kind. I thought a lot about this, as I frequently try to remind everyone that we are all fabulous and deserving. It's actually the concept of Grace which exemplifies this! Those people who would try to use God's Grace as some divine vehicle by which they can feel "better" than someone else in some way, clearly don't understand what Grace truly is. As outlined in The Book of Common Prayer "Grace is God's favor towards (all of) us, by Grace God enlightens our minds, stirs our hearts, and strengthens our wills." Grace is God's love for us AS WE ARE, AS HE MADE US, whether that be non-disabled, or with other abilities.

I apologize to anyone who is not particularly religious, or anyone who believes something different from I. I understand my tone is rather spiritual in nature but it is not meant to exclude anyone, on the contrary, I hope to include everyone. The truth is we are each made the way we are for a reason. We each have faults (and let me clarify that having a disability is not a fault- gluttony, envy, pride, leaving the toilet seat up-those are faults), we also each have glorious gifts wherever you or I believe we receive those gifts, they are inherent in each of us none the less. Each person's gifts differ from the next, though often our faults are similar. Each of us truly are FABULOUS, and it is in that beauty that we should be relating to others, not through some sense of pity.

I heard about a man in the Pittsburgh area who visits the hospitals to bid congratulations to new parents. Congratulating a new parent is not a new concept, however he is congratulating new parents of kids with Down's syndrome, as he and all of us should. We should welcome all life, each new beautiful human being. This man does this because he has a daughter with DS and when she was born people looked on he and his wife with pity. How sad that people could be welcoming their newborn and people feel bad for them, or say things like "there but for the grace of God..." IT IS THE GRACE OF GOD THAT GIVES US OUR CHILDREN AS THEY ARE, THAT"S HOW HE MADE THEM! Fabulous through his grace!

So please, please just knock it off ! Stop feeling "sorry" for other's with different abilities or lives from your own, the only person you are appeasing is yourself when you do this, and you're not going to earn your way into God's heart by looking down on someone beautiful that He made.

Full Circle

2008-07-10T21:01:00.002-04:00

A few years ago I had the opportunity to be trained by one of my favorite people and a great mentor in facilitating a biographical timeline. (If you are interested in this and want more info. visit www.Dimagine.com and look for the article "Who holds your story?") Anyway, it's an incredible tool and I have had some of the most amazing professional and personal experiences because of it. I have had the opportunity to take incredible, inspiring and sometimes heartbreaking journey's and at least one of those experiences helped to make another person's life better, how fabulous is that?

For two days now I was back with my favorite mentor and some of the other people most dear to me. We began the same journey of those few years ago, except that this time I had the opportunity to assist in sharing what I have learned and help other's begin to learn this tool. What a great gift we shared! Not only did I now get to work side by side with a person who has affected my work and my life with inspiration and experience, but I got to share that experience with my best friends and co-workers, and inspire other's to use this tool and in so doing affect real change! By the end of today as I was exhausted though exhilarated, I looked around the room and saw some faces of people who were truly impacted and ready to begin this journey for themselves! How amazing is that? Two years ago I was excited at the prospect of being helpful to some, and I have, but now that experience has helped to inform others who now hope to do the same. So, I now played some small part in the prospect of being helpful to many. I have somehow come full circle and it is magical. I sometimes marvel at how truly fortunate I am. I hope that all who read this can experience this same level of...WHOA!

Note-Shameless Plug- http://www.beadforlife.org/ Please vist this site. It is an organization working toward ending poverty by helping women in Uganda work, and in the process make beautiful and unique jewelry. I ask every woman who reads this to at least visit and learn about what you can do to help our sister's accomplish thier dreams. I ask every man to buy a necklace for a woman they love!

Evening at the park

2008-07-09T21:29:00.002-04:00

OK my darlings, it's been a few days and I feel like writing, but I'm not sure I have whole lot to say today. I would like to report that I had a lovely evening with my oldest daughter at the park. While she is my oldest daughter, she is the middle child and with her older brother being the attention getter that he is and my youngest daughter being four, Savannah very often finds herself waiting for her own turn. So tonight we went to a local park together,just the two of us, we strolled and took in historic sights then my daughter played on the playground as I watched on. While we were there another little girl went charging over to Savannah and was very interested in what she was doing, they started jabbering away (Savannah is very much like me in that she is a social butterfly-she makes a new friend wherever she goes). Savannah and the other girl, whose name I learned was Mackenzie, jumped around and played, talked and looked at the clouds while I and Mackenzie's mother watched on.

Just before we left Mackenzie came over and began to talk to me. I would guess by her size that she was about 7 or 8, she had bright blue eye's and was full of interest in me and Savannah, when she spoke to me I realized there was something familiar about the way she spoke and the things she said were interesting, though not what I am used to hearing from most kids. I realized that she had autism -not that a person's label is important, and Mackenzie was far more than any label- but I recognized why her mother watched so closely and why every now then she had gone closer to offer Mackenzie prompts. Savannah, my lovely daughter never batted an eyelash, she played with Mackenzie and even followed her somewhat bossy commands without complaining, asking to leave or joining other children instead. When we left the park she never said a thing about it, just that Mackenzie was nice. Now I know that Savannah "knows," but she didn't need to talk about it, or hide with the other kids, she just went about her business and made a new friend and that was that. Maybe she's better at accepting others than I, she never said a word, but I've just come home and blogged about a little girl because she has autism. I'm proud that my daughter is who she is and that she loves everyone without thought or concern for her own "reputation," I hope I and other's can grow to be more like her. What a cool kid I have!

Terror at a local school

2008-07-01T21:10:00.002-04:00

The other night I heard a snippet on the local news which caught my interest. I was on my way to bed but stopped in my tracks when I heard a story about a girl's family suing a local school. The suit is being pursued because the 14 yr old girl and four other's were sexually assaulted repeatedly, yet when they informed the school the boy they accused was asked to apologize and received a three day suspension. He later violently raped the girls, even leaving a blood smeared hand print as a "trophy" in the stairwell where he committed the act. The hand print remained for several days and was still there when he dragged the girl who is suing by her hair into the same stairwell and raped her as well.

At this point the boy has been charged, but as I listened to the story I was baffled as to why school officials had not acted sooner after initial reports...then I heard it, the brief mention at the end of the report that all five survivors are girls enrolled in the school's special education program. Immediately I was angered as the realization hit me that the school didn't act because it questioned the "credibility" of the girls. This may or may not be the case, but for me it rings true. The girls were in essence asked to hush as the school swept the incident under the carpet.

After seeing this, and hearing of earlier attacks in local schools I am increasingly concerned about what is happening in what should be a safe environment. I am concerned that schools are not being proactive, they are not acting when there is a problem. I would like to know that at my children's schools students are not only being taught about math and history, but they are also being taught about diversity, acceptance, personal power and how to report problems. I know for a fact that at the school my children attend these issues have never been addressed as they might apply to all students. Well I'm mad, and I'm worried and I have a BIG mouth! So between now and the new school year they are going to hear from me and every student and parent I can rally to join me to ensure that starting now the school's really start working toward inclusion and safety above all else! I encourage you to contact your own schools, find a list of local resources where you can refer them for support and then don't let it drop! If schools are proactive and promote safety and awareness these things can be prevented. If students are educated they can protect themselves and others, and perhaps think twice before hurting a fellow student.
************************************************************************************
To read about this story visit the link below.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08183/893901-52.stm

When the student is ready....

2008-06-29T20:10:00.002-04:00

In the past year I had a professor who quoted to me several times "when the student is ready, the teacher will come." She turned out to be one heck of a teacher. I realize how lucky I am to have had so many amazing people who have come in and out of my life who have inspired me, taught me a lesson however large or small, and somehow impacted me for the better.

I think the first time this happened was when I was very young. His name was Ron Tucker and he was my oboe instructor. He was passionate about his music, kind and inspiring. He was a great male role model when I needed one, and his passion for what he did inspired me to always strive to do something I was passionate about. Long ago that was music, my dream was to be a classical musician living in a loft in New York, eventually that dream transformed into something very different yet I'm still as passionate about my work as Ron was about his oboe and bassoon. Each time I hear Ravel or the notes from Sheherazade, I'm reminded of that passion.

I didn't feel that way again about a teacher for a very long time. Not until much later when I was working direct support and sent to a training. From that moment on, I was inspired to do something, to change my approach. Later, from this same teacher I learned not only about what I wanted to be professionally, but I also learned how to be a better mother, friend, lover, daughter etc...I am forever grateful to Guy who taught me these things.

I have always wanted to travel the world, in my younger idealistic days I would travel abroad and make a difference. After having children I though this would never happen, yet I met a professor, Dr. P, who has stirred in me the desire to follow my heart even if it is abroad, and through him I have learned that it is possible, children or not. He's a great man doing great things and I like so many other's have had the opportunity to see and hear his passion for what he believes in.

I had a professor earlier this year, Dr. B, who made such a difference for me that I returned to the Church, I opened my eyes and my heart and followed it home, and without her I think it would have taken a lot longer.

I've also had teacher's in people who don't necessarily carry the title. My son has taught me some of the most powerful lesson's I believe I will ever learn. My mother, my daughter's, my husband they all help me learn and grow each day. My friends, my co worker's, my wise guardian and fierce leader, they all teach me on an on-going basis.

I have been so fortunate in my life to have had so many great mentor's, teacher's and friends. But I think those lesson's surround us, they always there, waiting to be learned but we have to be ready. So I guess, really I'm fortunate that not only did all these great people come into my life, but that I was somehow ready for the lessons they needed to teach me.

Open your heart and your mind to the world around you, pay attention and soak it all in! You may not realize it at the time, but when you are ready, your teacher will come.

Shanked

2008-06-24T19:36:00.002-04:00

Today is another not so hot day- I feel just plain cruddy, but I'm not whining.

After an amuzing e-mail conversation with my wise guadian today, I have been struck by some responses to those strangers who inquire about my gait. (After today I won't whine anymore).

So here goes, when strangers ask "what happened to you?" I could respond with:

I was shanked in the leg while in prison,

Old war injury, shrapnil is still in there

Football injury, ruined my pro career

I'm drunk

You're drunk, I'm walking fine

Shark attack while swimming in lake Erie

Just got off my horse, he's parked around the corner

I injured it practicing the karma sutra

Parenting is rough

Ya know that magic trick where the magician traps you in a box and saws you in half?

When was the last time you had sex?

Sarcasm is funny! I know all these responses are rude and definitely not non-violent,but sometimes it would be nice to respond to rude questions with a rude comeback. Okay, I'm done with that now, I promise tomorrow I'll be back to my perky and empathetic self!

Bad Day

2008-06-23T19:52:00.003-04:00

I had a rough weekend. It started with going to pick up my car which cost significantly more than I had hoped, there went my son's birthday party and season tickets to the local amusement park...but I had my car back, and she was running smoothly, thank you Bill the mechanic! As depressing as that expense was, I usually don't let things get me down...but then my leg decided to do it's best impression of a sausage! My right leg and foot are horribly swollen and tight, I attribute it to the psoriatic arthritis. I went to the urgent care facility nearby and while waiting there I saw an older woman come in. I believe she had probably fallen as she was holding her bottom and having obvious difficulty walking. She sat down and I noticed her legs...they looked like mine. She was in her eighties, I in my thirties, this didn't seem right.

I came home for the first time and cried about this lovely autoimmune disorder. I didn't feel that I should feel sorry for myself, or that the PA is necessarily "bad" it has just become a new part of my life, something that I have to make accommodations for. This weekend though for the first time I cried because I am in pain, I cried because I am tired, I cried because my body doesn't work like a 33 year old's body is "suppose" to work. Got that out of my system and moved on.

Then today I became angry. The funny thing with my PA is that it isn't something that people can generally see, when it is visible via my limp or the oh so sexy T.E.D. hose I so fashionably donned today, people suddenly feel they have the right to inquire about my medical history. I don't mean people who know me, and are concerned when they see have difficulty getting around, I mean complete strangers! When I limp, strangers think they can say, "hey, did you hurt yourself?" or "ooh, what happened." A short answer like no I didn't injure myself is never satisfactory and they want to know more, and me being me, I politely offer my medical history.

This evening I was waiting for my son while he had an appointment and a complete stranger who saw me sitting and waiting asked "what happened?" I tried to brush it off with a polite answer, but he continued, saying how neat T.E.D hose are. Does he know what he is talking about? Has he ever had to wear these awful, itchy, completely unfashionable things? My anger at the hundreds of rude people who have inquired about my limp or my hose boiled over, and rather rudely I responded by saying "yeah, they're great to need at 33 years old, and they bring such nice attention." Immediately I felt awful as he quickly excused himself, and wished me "luck with that."

So, I feel bad because I was terribly mean to a stranger, I'm angry that people are so darn nosey, and frustrated that my body has changed and I must adjust. I will try not to be so rude again in the future, but honestly, I feel as if I should just put a sign around my neck detailing my medical records! So if you see me, limping around somewhere, compliment me on my clothes, my great fashion sense, or great lipstick, but please don't point and stare at my hose or ask me what happened, results could be hazardous!

Wake up! (world update)

2008-06-18T20:12:00.002-04:00

According to Amnesty Internationals 2008 report, which you can access and view for yourself at http://thereport.amnesty.org/eng/report-08-at-a-glance, revealed that people are still not allowed to speak freely in over 77 countries across the globe. Additionally, 54 countries still maintain unfair trials and often abuse within the penal system, while in at least 81 countries people continue to be tortured or ill treated. In Ethiopia alone the army carries out executions, rape and torture, but this is widespread across many nations, particularly those struggling with extreme poverty and oppression.

AI made several recommendations for the coming year which includes a challenge to China to uphold the promise to allow freedom of speech and free press, also urging them to end "re-education through labor" programs. They also challenge Russia to allow for political dissent and allow no "impunity" on the human rights violations occurring in Chechnya. Finally, the U.S. is urged to close Guantanamo Bay and other secret detention facilities and allow for fair trial. Additionally the U.S. is urged to end the torture and ill treatment of prisoners within these systems. Several countries were asked to end the practice of rendition.

People's human rights are violated on a routine basis across the globe, yet few of us pay attention. What's worse is that not all human rights violations are viewed in the same way. While people with disabilities are being neglected, abused, tortured and killed across the globe, Amnesty International barely offers this issue any recognition. With attention these situations can change. Reports from 1994-1997 revealing the severe neglect and abuse of children with disabilities in Russian orphanages, caused a small uproar that led to organizations standing up to promote change. Volunteers began to work to provide daily needs in these facilities and since these children's have have changed! They are no longer malnourished and neglected and treatment continues to improve. Yet, in Ireland patients with mental health disorders and disabilities are forced to stay in long term wards and are neglected and abused, and although attention was brought to the situation in the past few years, the country is still cited for inadequate inspection and care in organizations meant to support people with disabilities. The most horrible pictures and reports I have seen came out of Romania. Young children with disabilities tied to beds, bony from malnutrition and languishing in a state of neglect. These atrocities are not listed high in the priorities of Amnesty International and other organizations. I say this is much a human rights violation as any other and it's time people recognized it as such! All human rights abuses should stop, but we need to include the rights of people with disabilities along with everyone elses!

Stand up, say something, pay attention and GET INVOLVED! Even if it is as small as writing a letter or telling someone else, please send a message that the violation of rights of people with disabilities is just as important to us and as criminal as the violent acts carried out against non-disabled people.
___________________________________________________________________________________
For more info. on Romania visit these links:

"Disabled Children Confined and Abused in Romania" (ABC News)
http://www.abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1941485&page=1

Video: "Orphans 'Near Death' in Romania" (ABC News)
http://www.abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=1944838

Report: "Romania’s Segregation and Abuse of Infants and Children with Disabilities" (Mental Disability Rights International)
http://www.mdri.org/projects/romania/romania-May%209%20final.pdf

"Romania Acknowledges Child Care Problems" (Associated Press via Newsday)
http://www.inclusiondaily.com/news/06/red/0510a.htm

"EP member: international adoptions not a solution for institutionalized children" (Bucharest Daily News)
http://www.daily-news.ro/article_detail.php?idarticle=26037

Penis Envy

2008-06-17T20:36:00.002-04:00

I love being a woman, I identify strongly with my femininity and I'm definitely a "girly girl." Yet today, for the first time, for a brief moment in time I wished I had a penis! I was on my way home from work, which as you may know by now is a long way for me, when my lovely car decided she was tired. The car stopped smack dab in the middle of the busiest road during rush hour! I turned and turned the key, but nothing happened! Cars came screeching behind me, whizzing past honking their horns and undoubtedly calling me a litany of names. I called my husband, my darling of a husband, who though he was over an hour away said "I'll be there as soon as I can, be careful."

I sat in the car feeling helpless, I had called my husband, now what? I became aware that it would be safer to get out of the car for although I had my flashers on the cars speeding behind me didn't seem to realize the vehicle was stopped until they were right on top of me. Very carefully I got out and stood in the weeds beside the highway. Car after car drove past containing people inside who apparently thought it was some type of entertainment to stare at the lady on the side of the road in heels. No one stopped to help, but plenty of people honked angrily (because I totally stopped my car in the middle of the road on purpose). I suddenly had a thought, if I were a man I would know what to do, if I were a man I could push the car elsewhere, if I were a man I wouldn't feel so...helpless.

Eventually a cop showed who called a tow truck regardless of the fact that I told her my husband was on his way and had already called a truck. The truck showed up and pulled my car to a place of safety until the next truck and my husband appeared. I took the opportunity to call friends and catch up. At this point I decided that I didn't need to be a man, but I didn't need to be helpless either so I decided that I would take some classes in mechanics (Go ahead, those of you know me can pause to laugh, yes I know what a funny image, Cheryl underneath a car with her high heels hanging out from under!). Eventually the second tow truck came and my husband made his way to me.

Now, we drove almost the whole way home in James' van "Grimace" (the van is named grimace because it is purple). Guess what happened, you'll never believe it, the van got a flat! At this point James began to get flustered, I stayed positive "it's OK, we're close to home, and you have a spare." He got out the spare and began to remove the bolts from the tire when his jack (or whatever tooly thingy that was) snapped. Now he was helpless! He has a penis, but he too was helpless. We ended up having to call my mom to come get the two of us! I love irony, and I love that God has a sense of humor!

I guess today I learned that we all need help, penis or no penis!I'm glad I'm a woman still, but I will learn how to fix a car...or at least get a AAA membership!

List of Little Things

2008-06-16T22:29:00.002-04:00

The little things that make me happy:

No matter how many times my son insists I'm I nerd, he still loves to make me laugh,

My youngest daughter's hand in mine,

My oldest daughter's independent, dramatic spirit,

My mom laughing until she cries,

My husband's surprise embrace from behind,

When my boss comes in in the morning,

When D. laughs,

When K. is carefree,

When I connect with an old friend through a silly blog (Michelle), and having an old friend who's known me longer than anyone outside my family,

When someone tells me I've been helpful,

When I know I've been helpful,

When I feel my Nannan and Grandad with me even though they're not here,

When I think of my husband and still get butterflies,

Picking up a book and not being able to put it down,

waking up to a new day...

...Make your own list, I dare you not to smile!

Family

2008-06-15T10:46:00.002-04:00

Today is Father's Day, so I'd like to start by wishing a Happy Father's Day to my what a man James. He is a wonderful father and step-father and incredible man. I am so glad he has become my family.

Family...this is something I have thought a lot about lately. Sometimes, the family we are born into isn't so much something lovely as it is something to survive. My own family is great in many ways, my mother has become an inspiration to me and a friend, my sister, a friend and fellow working mother- busy, dedicated, desperate for five minutes alone like so many of us! My father...Well he's my Dad, but I had to reconcile long ago the dad I had with the dad I wanted. When I was younger I cried for hours after watching Father of the Bride (the newer one), yes it's a touching, funny movie, but who would cry for hours? Well...I would! I cried when I realized that Steve Martin's character was very similar to the dad I wanted, but not the one I got. Now this is not a pity party though, I have learned many things because of my father. I have learned that I am strong, I am smart, I am beautiful, I am good, I CAN DO ANYTHING! No matter what I heard from him growing up, no matter how many tongue lashings he handed out, I have found these things despite him. I have forgiven and mourned the dad I wished for, and am grateful for who I am because in large part who I am is a direct result of being raised by him.

Here's the thing with family, we can be born into one that shapes us whether good or bad and we have no control over that. Later, we can stumble upon another family. Not the family we are born with, but the family that adopts us, the people who come into our lives (I believe very purposefully with the help of God), and they support us, celebrate us for exactly who we are and they help shape us into the best versions of ourselves, the people we were always meant to be. I have found that in my James, I have found new family with my children, and I have found family at work.

I ended up at my workplace by some magical force, I know that this is where I am supposed to be at this moment. I am surrounded by people who I am a better person for knowing. Have you ever seen that visa commercial with the schoolboys in backpacks? The line at the end is "Being with people who get you...priceless." I have found people who get me. A wise guardian who gives us wings, a dynamic leader who believes all things are possible, and a group of amazing people who believe we can do something amazing. I have found my best friends here, I have found a new family and I am the best FAB ever because of it.

The world is a sometimes scary but magical place. Open your eyes to the people around you and learn to trust the rhyme of the universe, and you will find the people who get you, it really is priceless!

What a man

2008-06-13T17:48:00.002-04:00

Remember that song what a man? I always joke that my husband is a what a man, but truly he is, I am blessed. Well yesterday I met another what a man. As you noted if you read yesterday's blog I was very excited about Dave Hingsburger presenting in Butler. The conference finished today, and today was equally amazing resulting in a standing o. Anyway, when Dave pulled up yesterday he had Joe, his partner with him. The minute Joe got of the car, I found him to be very warm, one of those people others are just drawn to. He was also handsome, full of grace,humor and patience. Unfortunately, he had to be very patient with me both days, because as his warmth made me comfortable, I found it too easy to blather on at him and in my excitement both days I repeatedly made a jackass out of myself. I'm OK with that though, because you can't be jackass if you don't put yourself out there, and the truth is most people won't remember by next week that you embarrassed yourself. Anyway, Joe was patient, kind, warm, funny and so many other things.

I noticed as Dave was presenting that Joe was watching the whole time. He wasn't just watching, but actively participating, laughing and remaining truly engaged. Now of course it's not shocking that someone should be engaged and entertained when Dave speaks, but Joe has heard all these stories many times. Each time though, he responded as if hearing it for the first time and delighted in it. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I can only hear my husband's stories so many times before I'm ready for some new ones. But not Joe, he was as passionate about what he heard as those of us experiencing it for the first time! So not only was I struck by Joe as a person, but by the relationship of two people. Joe and Dave work together, live together, drive all over God's creation together, but they are not sick of each other. How many people can say that? I speculate not a lot. They share a respectful, lovely relationship based on care and built on each person's individual skill, talents, likes etc...

We don't always get born into a family that lifts us up and celebrates who we are or who we will become, but when we watch for it, we find other people who get placed in our lives to do just that. They become real family. I am so glad I have my own what a man in James, for these are things we share, and I'm so glad I met another what a man in Joe. I hope that the rest of you can enjoy such beautiful relationships.

p.s. I did ask Joe if it was OK for me to reference him, I apologize that in my sleepy excited state yesterday I spelled Dave's name wrong!

I may pee my pants!

2008-06-12T19:02:00.004-04:00

I couldn't sleep last night, I went to bed early then tossed and turned. It was like Christmas Eve, I was a kid again, trying so hard to get to sleep because I knew I needed to or Santa wouldn't come (or in the case, it would be very difficult for me to get up at 4am), but too excited about seeing Santa (or in this case, Dave Hingsburger) to actually fall asleep. So, at 4am too tired to think, but too excited to feel tired I bounced out of bed and prepared for my 80 minute trek to work. My 80 minute trek didn't help any to calm me down, and by the time I arrived in Butler, I was literally bouncing up and down. After set up and preparation and waiting...he arrived, and I went and did it, I told him I was so excited I may pee my pants!

Now, let me take a moment to explain, I know I have said this before, but I really am a nerd, a truly fabulous one but a nerd nonetheless. For myself (and I know several others as well- Curly I'm talking to you now), the people I most admire, who do amazing work, are like rock stars! Put Dave Hingsburger in leather pants and I'd probably throw my bra at him! But this is what excites me, this is what I'm passionate about, this is my meaning in life so please excuse my serious and probably scary enthusiasm!

After all the excitement, and all my hopes about what today would be, I walked away surprised. As much as I built this event up in my head while channeling Freddie in the wee hours of the morning, Dave was even more incredible than I expected! Today I am truly grateful for David Hingsburger (and Joe, for those of you who read Dave's blog, you'll know who Joe is). I walked away today inspired, motivated, excited and also just a wee bit exhausted ( I really need to sleep tonight). I am thankful for Dave and his amazing gift, his gift of story telling, humor and incredible insight. I am also grateful for his gift of humility, he very clearly demonstrated today that he (and we) should never assume we have all the answers, that there is always more to learn. Dave is sharing that lesson with us, and I am grateful.

Today was a GREAT day! I was surrounded by passionate, excited people experiencing greatness and inspiration. I hope that today will set everyone's hearts afire with passion to do something, to make a difference, to follow Dave's example and his experience to create experiences of their own.

I know from having read Dave's blog that he's not always comfortable getting praise, and if he happens to read this I'm sorry, I just really needed to say thank you for sharing your gift! Those of you who are reading this and have never vistited his blog, please go see it now, by comparison anything you see here is not half as inspired! Click the link on this page for Chewing the Fat.

Perfect

2008-06-07T20:12:00.002-04:00

Today was a great day! It started with a meeting with one of my favorite people and mentor's, then progressed to a movie with my kids, followed by paddle boats and ending with banana splits! Great day indeed.

Now, many of my days are spent with my children. I am the mother of three, so entertainment in our house can consist of fart jokes from my eleven year old, chatter about boys from my nine year old and teddy bears and magical lands for my four year old. Our television often finds itself hosting purple dinosaurs or rock video's, and the adults in my house have started to find children's programming to be as fascinating as philosophical, sociological, historical and psychological studies. I have found that movies made for children often have deep and important meaning. Hang in there before you start laughing at me.

We went to see Kung Fu Panda today. My husband and I giggled along with the kids, but we also had a lovely discussion following the movie about it's deeper meaning. Yes, Jack Black performing the voice of a Panda had deep meaning. Po, the panda had great dreams about who he wanted to be, but mostly he was laughed at by others, called "fat" among other things, and had little faith in himself. By the end of the movie, he and the villagers around him discovered that there was "no secret ingredient" to greatness, it's all in your faith. Po thought that he would have to become something other than himself, that others would need to "change" and turn him into the person he wanted be. What everyone learned by the end of the film was that he did not need to be changed...he was already the perfect Po, he just needed to believe in himself and have others believe.

This reminded me of a conversation I had with a mother earlier this week. I met with a mother of a gentleman who is being supported in an adult training facility. At work, he often struggles, yet at home he is happy. His mother very clearly identified why. When he goes anywhere else, people want to change him, they want him to be someone else, do something else, conform and fit the mold of subservience. At home he is accepted for exactly who he is. His mother called him the "perfect Ricky" and she reached across the table, took my hand and said "just like you are the perfect Cheryl." She's right, and Kung Fu Panda is right, we're all perfect as we are, our motivation and meaning is our own and others cannot change that. We just need other's to believe as we need to have faith in ourselves.

So much of my job is about people who want someone else change, but the thing is we can't change other people, it's just not possible, nor is it necessary. When we begin to accept people for who they are as opposed to who we think we want them to be, our worlds will be more peaceful and happy.

So, until the next kids movie comes with a new inspiring meaning, I think I'll introduce everyone to Po, who is perfect just as he is...just like you and me.

Magnanimous

2008-06-03T19:57:00.002-04:00

Sam Keen said..."The more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are victim of resentment, depression and despair. Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimous-large souled."

Several days ago I wrote about accepting appreciation, and appreciating one's self. It only makes sense that the blog to follow would be written about giving appreciation. As noted by Keen, resentment, depression and despair are often related to an inability to not only identify with our greatness but by extension the greatness of others. Witnessing something beautiful that someone else has created or done can be an amazing thing, but for many it can be difficult. When we are driven by insecurity and self doubt, we are less able to truly appreciate someone else without feelings of jealousy or a sense of inferiority. This often produces a sense of anger toward the other person, and we may find ourselves attempting to sabotage or take away from their gift. When we begin to appreciate ourselves and our own talents, it becomes easier to see the talents of others as a gift to all rather than a threat to self.

Be wary when you stand to appreciate someone else, that you do not do so as a means of manipulation or "stroking" or in some insincere attempt to be "nice." People will always know when this is the case, and it is usually better to just say nothing at all than to be fraudulent. as Marshall Rosenberg says "express appreciation as a way to celebrate, not to manipulate." And why wouldn't we celebrate one another? Each of us is so amazing, and when someone does something that enhances our life or someone else's, should we not celebrate it and embrace it as the beautiful thing that it is.

Celebrate! celebrate yourself, celebrate others, celebrate the sunny day! Be appreciative and thrive on the way another's gifts or your gifts or the gifts of the world have enriched your life. Then swim in the beautiful connection this will create with other human beings. Watch the other person's face as they realize that your appreciation is sincere and a testament to something they have done in an amazing way, often they then become appreciative of the recognition and will continue great pursuits as will you.

So start thanking people, recognize how another's actions have contributed to your well-being, how your needs have been fulfilled, and how pleasureful it is have to have those needs fulfilled. Stop noticing what's wrong, and start appreciating what's right, it really is a wonderful experience!

"Don't be so Humble"

2008-05-30T19:01:00.002-04:00

"Don't be so humble, you're not that great" once said Golda Meir, Israeli Prime Minister (at the time) to one of her ministers. As I once blogged in "Finding Fab" false humility is not a pretty site, it is not dignified nor reasonable, really it becomes more of an ego trip by which we try our hardest to glean more praise before we seemingly unwillingly accept appreciation.

Marianne Williamson said "Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." When you have been blessed with a gift, use it! That's why you have it, to bring something beautiful into this world and be able to stand back and truly see that beauty as it is, a testament to God, humanity, Buddha or whatever you personally believe is the source of your gift.

When you use your gift, or bestow some piece of fabulousness on others, learn how to receive appreciation gracefully, please for heavens sake, save the rest of the embarrassment of witnessing you fuss and grumble pretending that you're not that special. You are special! Each of us is, so just own it already! We all yearn to be recognized and appreciated, yet when we are we don't know what to do with it, except fall into that ego trap and then fall prey to manipulative strokes. Don't let other's "stroke" you, but do let other's show you true appreciation.

As Marshall Rosenberg says "(hear) what we have done that has contributed to other's well-being," and hear the feelings and needs that were fulfilled by that act, then "take into our hearts the joyous reality that we can each enhance the quality of other's lives." Rosenberg goes on to say "receive appreciation without feelings of superiority or false humility."

Recognize that it is the power of God, or again whatever you may believe, that is working through you to give that power of enriching lives and accept appreciation with joy! Be happy with what you have done, be grateful for that opportunity, but do not be proud, do not linger, simply move on to grace the world with your next bigger and better gift.

Safe

2008-05-28T21:06:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was at a meeting with some of the people I love working with. During the dialogue the subject of safety came about, within a larger context of course. A woman with whom I am newly acquainted, yet absolutely adore and have the utmost respect for, paid me the most wonderful compliment, she said she always feels safe with myself and another equally amazing person who was also there.

Safety is important, it's one of our most primary needs. When we feel safe with others, with an environment, it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow and be open to connect in a meaningful way with others. Having someone say that they feel safe with you is an incredible joy and a gift from which connection, inspiration and purpose can flourish.

Safety is important and when we feel safe we can be ourselves, make mistakes, and grow. What happens when that safety is destroyed? When someone trusts us with their safety and we trample it, even unknowingly the damage can be lifelong and hurts all the parties involved. I say this because when C.C. (that's what we'll call her) said she was safe with me I was honored, and I also feel safe with her, but when thinking about that honor I also thought about all the people who have put their safety in my hands only to have me let them down.

I have destroyed that sense of safety for people I cared about. I didn't mean to, I was doing the best I could with the tools I had at the time, but I stole that most basic need from fellow human beings. In my past, I have not allowed people the dignity of choosing for themselves...because I knew what was best for them, I have followed plans which stole freedom and dignity...because they needed to learn a lesson, I have restrained people...because they needed to be safe. At the time, all these things made sense, these were things we did to keep people safe. What we didn't realize, what I didn't realize was that I was stealing their safety, I was destroying whatever faith they had in me and themselves all so that myself and a whole lot of other "experts" could show how smart we were and how much we cared. I have long since abandoned all these ideas, in fact I was shown the way by a man upon whom I imposed these very things. He didn't give up on me, he kept hanging in there until I finally got it. He forgave me for all of it and showed me a better way, then he put his safety back in my hands, but this time it was mutual...we were safe together. I am so grateful for that lesson, for his faith in me even though I didn't deserve it and for the friendship that blossomed into one of the most meaningful of my life.

Don't wait too long to learn those lesson's for yourself, learn from my mistakes and cherish the faith others have put in you. You must be pretty fabulous to deserve such trust, so treat it delicately and with care and watch as possibilities unfold.

Harmony

2008-05-26T21:18:00.002-04:00

In order for a piece of music to have harmony it must have various notes and chords, preferably various instruments as well. Even if there are different instruments playing the exact same notes at the same time the music would be bland and dull. When there is harmony, there is beauty. Were it not for interesting and complex chords and notes, most of us would find music to be pretty dull. For a painting to beautiful, it must have various colors and shading, each minute detail affecting how one perceives the piece of art, were it not made up of various brush strokes, colors and details it would simply be a canvas of one color.

Life in our world means that not everyone can be just like us. If we lived in a world of one note or one color we would likely be bored and lonely. Take my husband for example, he is the exact opposite of me. He loves music, as do I, but his preference is heavy and dirty so to speak, where I love the melodies of Ravel or Mozart. He loves being active, as do I, but he loves playing with air soft rifles and running around the words, while I love quiet walks or white water rafting. We are very different, which makes us a lovely compliment to one another. Of course we have gone through our phases where we hoped to create the one into something more like the other, but we always remember that we fell in love because of our differences and those compliments as much as anything else.

Our world is made up of so many people, people of various nationalities, religions, sexes and abilities. When each of us takes the time to embrace something different from ourselves, we will find a beautiful harmony that moves us. When our views are challenged by someone else's differing viewpoint, it can cause amazing things to happen if we are open. We might further develop our own views, or find that maybe, just maybe the other guy has a point as well. Without that challenge, without difference and harmony, life would become stagnant, colorless, odorless, tasteless, there would be no passion!

Give in to difference, open your your mind to it, create incredible harmony and fill your life and someone else's with passion!

A Beautiful Gift

2008-05-24T11:04:00.002-04:00

Life has been a blurr. My work schedule has been jam packed for months and in the last month or so, mounting concerns for my son have left me feeling overwhelmed and inadequate at times. I've always thought it important to take time to enjoy the little things and often tell others to do the same, but lately I have not been so good at following my own advice. You see, I like to be busy and I want to be helpful so I often don't say no when it comes to work, I am consumed at times with hope and work toward making a difference. I'm also a full time student and mother of three, so as you can imagine, on occasion I don't know which end is up! My body doesn't help the situation, I have an autoimmune disorder (psoriatic arthritis) which causes significant pain at times. The pain I can live with, it's the lethargy that stops me in my tracks. But, I'm stubborn. I'm not good at asking for help because I want to do it all, and I'm not good at slowing down.

This past week it all started to catch up to me. I started to get a cold, which means my body fights the cold and itself, so come Thursday night I didn't want to move and couldn't fight the overwhelming need for sleep. This prompted a lecture from my mother. "why don't you take some time off work? schedule your vacation time now before you fill your calendar." I responded by saying that I wasn't going to take a vacation. When I got to work yesterday, I wasn't myself, I was exhausted and barely motivated. I joked with my lovely boss that I'm too good at my job! She is our guardian at work, she watches over us and is always there with support and wise words. Yesterday was no different, she echoed my mothers sentiments and encouraged me to schedule days to stay at the office. I did do it, but I didn't like it. I knew that if someone needed something on those days I would fill my calendar...but I tried.

For much of the afternoon I thought about rest. About how I'm not so good about taking it, and really didn't want to now. Then I got into my car at the end of the day to begin my journey to a blessed three day weekend! The most incredible thing happened (I have found that there is rhyme in the universe and things happen or are said that make everything fall into place), my radio turned on, and instantly I heard a man talking about the beauty of rest! He was a pastor discussing the importance of observing the sabbath. He wasn't saying it was because it was some dictate on high, but because it was a gift. The gift from God of rest! I listened intently, awed by the magic of that moment, and by his words of the gift. He talked about how important it is, why we need it, and about what a beautiful gift it is!

Rest is a gift! I hadn't realized it until yesterday, and I have been raised to believe that we should always be grateful for gifts. At this moment I am grateful for the gift of rest, and I am going to learn to enjoy it more and listen to my body and the wise people who love me when they offer me the gift of rest.

If you are reading this while shoving a bagel in your face, talking on the phone, throwing on your shoes and juggling a baby on your hip, then you too are too busy, so I will tell you what God and the people I love have told me...Accept the gift of rest, oh what a beautiful gift it is!

Find Your Meaning

2008-05-22T17:44:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I blogged about choice, today I'd like to go to the next step and write about meaning. Frankel wrote about it as his main theme in "Man's Search for Meaning" (obviously). When I read his book earlier this year it completely validated what I believe and who I am! You see, I try to live my life's meaning. What is meaningful to me is my family and my work. My work is more than just a job, it is my life's passion, it's part of almost everything I do. My meaning is found in fighting oppression, making a commitment to non-violence and respecting every other human being out there. I even went so far as to write my own mission statement. (I know, I'm a nerd).

Frankel wrote that we most often find our meaning in serving others. A life lived consumed with money or success does not necessarily lead to a meaningful life. There are so many people who wander lost, lonely, afraid, they do what they think is expected of them, but do not come to understand themselves or their purpose. We each have purpose, whether you believe it comes from God or elsewhere, it is there waiting for you to discover it. When you do discover it, your life will change. You begin to forget the little things, the selfish things, the materialistic, and live toward your meaning and you make the world a better place as you do it. This may sound ridiculous or simplistic or maybe too "new agey" for you, but it is a truth that I have found and so have many others.

Live a life of love and giving, let go of bitterness, forgive yourself and others and move on to a freedom and choice you may never have known before. I can't tell you what your meaning is, I only know that it is out there waiting for you, and if you miss it, you will miss out on your life and how truly beautiful you are. You are a glorious being, meant to live up to all your potential, go out and grab life with both hands, love greatly and live with meaning!

Your Choice

2008-05-21T20:11:00.003-04:00

At the request of my audience (all two of you) I am blogging for the first time in weeks. It seems that everyone these days is very busy and my life is certainly no exception, so I apologize to anyone who has been waiting with baited breath for my words of wisdom!

Something I have been thinking a lot about lately is choice. You see, every morning from the moment we wake we have an incredible opportunity...to choose. We have been endowed with a great gift but more and more people are beginning to overlook it. I named this blog after my favorite book "Man's Search For Meaning" by Victor Frankel. Frankel wrote of his experience in a concentration camp in WWII, his story was not one of detail, it was not necessarily filled with great sorrow. Frankel wrote the book as a demonstration of our most powerful gift, the gift of choice. Frankel points out that it doesn't matter what we experience, what anyone does to us, we can be stripped of everything but that most important to survival...choice. We can choose our attitude, how we see the world, what meaning to attribute to our suffering or success. When beaten down by any force, we can choose to survive!

It's a simple yet beautiful concept, yet so few seem to apply it in their lives. Think about it, how many times today did you let some small event determine your mood or how you interacted with others? You all know that one person, the one who picks at everything, thinks everything is a big deal and worries over all the small details. Most of us probably work with someone like that, but we also do it at one point or another. I ask this person, I ask you...Why? In the grand scheme of things how important is it that life didn't go your way today? Aren't there people dying in China at the moment? Yet many of them struggle through with more grace than we can muster for our co workers. Aren't there children abused and abandoned, yet they cling to hope and dreams with a passion we cannot muster to love our own children. Don't get lost in the small or big things! Everything that happens shapes who we are, and we can decide what that is. We can decide to become the phoenix rising from the ashes, or we can choose to let events shape us into twisted bitter souls.

Life doesn't happen to you, you must make it happen! Wake up every day and make the choice that today will be better than yesterday,that today you will do something to help another human being, today you will be...FABULOUS!

huh?

2008-05-06T20:17:00.002-04:00

I've heard others talk about the "hierarchy" of disability, and I have met folks with developmental disabilities who wish to separate themselves from people they see as "more disabled" than themselves, but I do often forget that people with disabilities have to deal with disphobia from people without disabilities as well as disphobia from others with disabilities.
I was suddenly reminded of this tonight.

I have been taking a sign language class so that I might be better able to communicate using asl. There are a variety of students in the class, some "traditional" college aged students, and others who are older or "non-traditional." One of my fellow non-traditional students has spoken briefly here and there about her daughter who was recently in an accident. Apparently her daughter has some paralysis due to the accident and is now using a wheelchair, they are both newly acquainted with life among disphobics and the accommodations that now have to be made.

Anyway, this evening as we were leaving our final class, my classmate was talking about how excited she was as she and her daughter just went out to eat for the first time. She talked about the fears they had before going out and the things they were doing differently now. She talked about her daughter's independence and how she fed herself for the first time and everyone was excited. She also talked about how upsetting it was that everyone stared, and it happened everywhere. At that point I interjected a little about how people sometimes react and recommended some of the disability blogs and groups that are out there. But then, it happened, she talked about her daughter's response to someone who was staring...upon becoming frustrated she said to a man "What the F**** are you looking at? I'm not F****** r*tarded ya know!" My class mate expressed being embarrassed that her daughter yelled, but she saw nothing wrong with what she said. I bit my tongue and walked away as this mother did not need a lecture from me this evening, but anyone else would have heard a mouth full! It's just always so shocking to me that for whatever reason, developmental disability is somehow seen as the lowest of the low, as if it couldn't possible get any "worse" than that, how somehow if that were the case staring and rudeness would be acceptable.

I don't really have an end to this blog or words of wisdom to offer anyone, I think I'm still shocked and disappointed...so, there you have it.

Skin Deep

2008-05-03T13:08:00.002-04:00

Yesterday,I spent the day at an event organized by the agency I work for. Every year we go to a camp and invite the people we serve to enjoy a day of fun and community.People from about nine counties joined us in enjoying kickboxing, music, art, gardening and animals. I came home from a long yet wonderful day and with aching feet, knees and hips I wanted to just sit and be for a while. I picked up my Mom's copy of People magazine to glance at the 100 most "beautiful" people. The magazines pages were covered from front to back with shiny pages of sparkly people. I saw faces shellacked, airbrushed, sliced and injected, I saw people covered in expensive clothes with expensive haircuts and makeup artists standing in the wings. Our society seems to be obsessed with Hollywood beauty and lifestyle these days.

Before you begin to think I'm being all "high and mighty" keep in mind that I profess myself to be a princess. For those of you who do not know me it is important to know that I shellac my face with the best of them and I love my heels and designer labels. I was raised to believe that appearances are important, I have never been able to rid myself of the idea that I must always look my best, because this is how people judge. While this belief is heavily ingrained as a part of how I see myself, I choose not to look at others this way.

Beauty is so much more than the faces smiling from within a magazine or on the television. We must remember that really, none of that is real. Hell, I'm not real. I walk around with my hair died red, a pair of spanks on to suck in the gut, and so much makeup on my face I need a chisel to remove it! But I am aware that none of this what makes me or anyone else beautiful.Real beauty is within my children's smiles. Beauty is watching my son doing something kind when he thinks no one is watching. Real beauty was all around me yesterday as I watched hundreds of people helping one another, enjoying community, and sharing in a day about ability rather than disability.

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, in every package imaginable, real beauty is what we do and who we are, not what we wear and how well we walk in heels. Beauty really does come from within and as corny as it sounds, I have seen people who are deemed so "attractive" by society that they become models, yet they are the ugliest person within, and it begins to show through, turning the external into what it really is. And I have known people who were judged to be "ugly" or "misshapen" by their families and community, and yet there is a light of love, hope, courage and sincerity that shines through to even the most cynical eye and reveals true beauty. When we connect to other people and really see them we can be endowed with visions of true beauty that once revealed will never again be hidden.

For those of you who see the boring, typical idea of beauty and let it somehow define how you see your own exterior, I beg you, look in the mirror again and see your fabulousness! Then work it! You are more beautiful than you know and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

"They"

2008-04-28T18:28:00.002-04:00

I often wonder how people can be marginalized, oppressed, abused so openly and without shame. I'm not sure why I wonder, because the truth is I already...we already know the answer.

Almost every one of us, as a professor once lectured, is a "they." We each belong to some group of people, whether it be women, a socioeconomic status, a religion, a race, a nationality...Each group is considered a "they" by some other group of "they." When we can look at our fellow human beings as "they" they can begin to appear less human, less like us (because we only focus on the differences) and it becomes easier to hate, to torture, to kill. The "object" of the hate is seen as inhuman and can be dealt with in the absence of guilt. It's easier to divide people into different groups of "they" because then we can forget that this is someone's child, someone's father, or mother, someones friend or teacher, instead "they" become objects, something so distant from ourselves that it is easier to justify hate.

Dividing people into groups of "they" allowed genocide in Armenia, Rwanda and Dar fur. It resulted in the Holocaust and social Darwinism and forced sterilization and experimentation like Tuskegee or the TB studies. The idea of "they" resulted in religious persecution around the globe, the Spanish Inquisition, Bloody Mary's reign of terror over protestants, The Crusades...the list goes on and on, it has happened for centuries. One would think that we might have learned from Histories lessons, yet "they" are still as present today as in the Old Testament.

If you think of any people as "they" and think in stereotypes or hate, I challenge you! Have a conversation with one of "they," look "they" in the eyes and hear about a family not so different from your own, or beliefs more similar than different."They" might start to look more like one of "we," for WE are all part of a human family, WE all bleed, love, learn and hurt. WE are all made the same, WE are all fabulous, WE are One!

If all else fails, remember the golden rule..."Do unto others"...

Accentuate the positive

2008-04-27T18:42:00.002-04:00

As a full time working mother and full time student, it is easy to get lost in the many things I have to do. Not only do I work full time, but my work is also my passion, so it is often at the forefront of my mind, or something will suddenly occur to me and I have to act at that moment. I act at that moment partly because I get excited and can't wait to put my thoughts into action, and partly because if I don't do it then, the momentum will be lost as I move on to the next thing, or I'll forget to do it at all (again, busy life). I am also quite the "nerd" as my son calls me, and love to learn but am also a perfectionist (for those of you who would lecture me right now, stop, you don't have to-I know it's not THAT important-but I just can't seem to help it!) so I won't accept any grade less than A. This of course means that I work long and hard on my school work, but I truly believe that anything worth doing is worth doing 110%

In all that busy work, passion and pure adrenaline it would be easy for me to lose sight of my most precious gift, my children and family. I admit when I walk in the door I sometimes need to decompress for a moment, but at some point I switch gears and it becomes more about them. (I will admit that I sometimes steal a moment to read and respond to my work e-mail-but honest I only do it in ten minute increments). My kids are amazing! they are also infuriating at times, my oldest two fight on a continuous basis, and whoever said son's are easier than daughters has obviously not met my son! I worry, I worry often that I am not doing my best, that I might fail my children, that people will think I'm a bad mother. I worry that I'm not good enough for my children. I work to let these thoughts go as soon as they appear, but it seems that this is what most parents do. At these times I remember that it would be easy to focus on the "bad," each mistake and every call from the school, but I'd rather focus on the good, and enjoy each little moment I get with my kids.

I have seen parents who speak to their kids only when they are offering reprimands, I know it's not that they don't love their children, they are simply living with the same pressures as everyone else, and it's hard to focus on the positive when there is so much work to be done to raise "good" people. To raise "good" people, we should start with respecting them the way we wish them to respect us, not in a "respect my authoritay" way(south park fans will get that reference), but respecting the fact that although our children are not yet adults, they are still human beings with emotions, and yes, opinions. The next thing is to focus on the positive, give hugs for the good and let the bad go whenever we can!

My daughter, Savannah who is nine was out playing a few weeks ago. Usually I ask that she be in at 7:30 on a school night as I think rest is important for everyone, but especially children. We have to do baths and snacks, comb hair, pack lunches, prepare for the day to come...it can be a lengthy process. Well, on this night I already had my youngest in the tub and we were laughing as she splashed and played, and I knew Savannah was outside enjoying the evening with her friends in our backyard, so it was about 7:41 before her step dad called her in. Now often when I ask my kids to come inside, I am met with grunts and groans "aw mommy, just five more minutes?" They always come begrudgingly but come inside non the less. Well on this evening Savannah hurried inside, looked at the clock and came directly to me saying "Mommy, thank you so much for letting me stay out until 7:41!" ( That's why I remember the time). She thanked me for an extra 16 minutes, I hadn't even knowingly given her the extra 16 minutes, yet she was grateful for them! She focused on the good, not the fact that the neighborhood kids were still playing in our backyard, not the fact that she had to come in, yet again, before anyone else. She was focused merely on the fact that she had been given extra time outside. I think I hugged her for ten minutes, I was so grateful at that moment for her and her expression of gratitude, and I realized that she does this a lot, there is so much more positive in our days together than anything else, and that's what I choose to acknowledge, for all of my kids (and my own sanity).

So, like the old song says "You've got AC-CENT-UATE the positive!"

Apples

2008-04-23T18:14:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I blogged about people with disabilities and victimization and the stigmatization and violence committed against people with mental health disorders, at about the same time that I was writing that blog an act of violence was being committed against a High School student with a disability. The incident occurred in Beaver County, Pa.

The news broke last night on a local station. Apparently a 17 year old beat the other student until he gave the teen a concussion, causing him to lose consciousness. The beating took place on the school bus and other students captured this horrific act of violence with the video recorders on their cell phones. At this point there is speculation that fellow students on the bus were taking bets on who would "win" the fight. From seeing the video that was played on the news it is apparent that "fight" is not the accurate word, the student who was beaten was in his seat the entire time and the only thing he did in response was to reach up defensively to protect himself, he never once struck the other teen who mercilessly beat him around the head and torso. Also apparent on the video clip is the fact no one intervened, everyone just watched as if for sport, many cheered the violence on.

Incidents such as this continue to point to the lack of respect that our communities have for every member. When things like this happen, the responsibility falls on all of us to make sure it doesn't happen again. We are responsible for considering our own attitudes and the attitudes we share with our children and community. We are responsible, every last one of us! Let's stop this violence. Obviously school aged children and probably many of their parents still see people with disabilities as "less than." It's evident in the vernacular people use. The "r" word (which I refuse to write or speak and is banned from my home and children's mouths) is used on a routine basis by kids and adults alike, people joke about the "short bus" and tease others by implying they are "disabled" in some way. WE ARE THE DISABLED ONES! Disabled by the lack of ability to see other people as full human beings, disabled by our discomfort with people of all abilities in our neighborhoods and schools. People can say all they want that incidents like this point to "decaying youth" but the truth is, it's not just our youth, where did they learn this hate? Where did they learn this disrespect? Where did they learn to discriminate?

...you know what they say about where the apples fall.

Monsters

2008-04-22T15:09:00.002-04:00

Approximately 20% of the U.S. population has a disability and represent the largest minority (and most openly oppressed).

68% of children with disabilities are victims of sexual violence and 32% victims of physical violence.

Indications reveal that 90% of people with developmental disabilities will be victimized by sexual violence at some point during their life, 40% experience 10 or more incidents.

15,000-19,000 people with developmental disabilities are raped each year.

Twice the rate of women with disabilities (compared to non-disabled women), 67% experienced lifetime physical violence and 53% experience lifetime sexual violence.

The above noted statistics are considered to be just the “tip of the iceberg” given that victimization is severely underreported.

People with mental illness are 2 1/2 times more likely to be “attacked, raped or mugged” than the general population.

Women with mental illness who are homeless are raped so frequently that according to several reports; it is seen as “normal.”

People with mental health disorders are depicted as violent so regularly by the media that images of “the hockey mask” has become “a symbol of dangerousness and insanity” with no basis in reality. The media, novels, movies and primetime shows (which often portray “mental cases” committing violent crimes), increase and promote the stigma which is attached to mental illness yet has no bearing in reality. For example “On television, 45 percent of all characters are violent, compared with 72% of the characters with mental illness-including women…mental illness is the only label on TV that renders women as violent as men.” (According to George Gerbner, Ph.D.)

The truth is that suicide outnumbers homicide in the U.S. as the 11th leading cause of death. Each year over 30,000 people in the U.S. commit suicide, more than 90% of them are believed to have a diagnosable mental disorder.

Check your assumptions…We are the dangerous ones!

Phoenix

2008-04-21T18:52:00.002-04:00

As human being's, almost every one of us has endured a life-changing event. Not just the happy events like marriage or the birth of a child, but also the events that we tuck away, too painful to bear. Many people who have survived these events, often at the hands of another human being, struggle with the impact daily. For some it haunts them wherever they go. There are others who have also survived, and sprung forth from the ashes to create some meaning out of the suffering. Most people keep living, because they have to, that's also part of being human...the sheer desire to live.

I have met people and heard their stories and wondered how they went on, people who have been tortured at the hands of those who were meant to love or protect them, people who were subjected to unimaginable cruelty just because they were seen as different or weak or "less than." I have heard stories that make me want to crawl into a dark place and cry, yet the people who own these stories keep going, keep fighting. They stand up for their freedom, for their right to a life just like anyone else. I watch in wonder and awe, how is it that people can be so resilient? How is it that a person can still greet me with a hug, a smile, a laugh, love in their eyes when they have seen the darkest side of humanity?

This, as incredible as it seems, is part of the beauty of life. Others can strip us of everything, they can show us a cruelty we never knew existed and try to take away dignity, innocence and even life...but we have a choice. Victor Frankl wrote of it in "Man's Search for Meaning," the choice we can make to go on, keep fighting and find the meaning in it all, or to allow the cruelty to swallow us. I see people every day who have risen victorious, who are truly survivors because they made the choice to go on, to make the world a better place, to not give in to hate and vengeance.

We can't touch it, taste, or hold it, but the human spirit is one of the most powerful forces to which we will ever bear witness! I am so grateful that I have, I am so grateful for the lesson, and I am so grateful to every survivor for not giving up and making the world a better place.

Soar!

Flowers

2008-04-20T15:24:00.003-04:00

This morning I went to Church. I am fairly new there, as I hadn't been to any church in a long time. As a teenager I professed myself to be an atheist, but at various other times in my life I have found myself "church searching" as I have come to call it. I have always wanted to be part of a church community and although as a teenager I professed myself an atheist I was just struggling with spirituality and what God really meant to me. During that time my whole argument that there was no God was that if there was, why was there so much suffering? I later realized that much of the suffering was man made. When I did venture to various churches I struggled with the amount of hate I heard. The words uttered from some of the most "devout" (they called themselves that) were often of hatred and superiority, and I just didn't see God that way. Long story short, after recently writing a spiritual journey paper for a theological class I was taking I decided to give it another shot. I have found myself within the church of my upbringing. Being born in England I was part of the Church of England, and when I decided to return to church I felt that maybe I should start where I began, so I now find myself at an Episcopal church. I do still hear some hate, but have chosen not to "throw out the baby with bath water."

Part of my desire for church is of course to satisfy my own spirituality, and to also enjoy a sense of community. I'm still pretty much a stranger to everyone there but do what I can to get involved. Today, our Deacon Ruth asked if anyone could deliver some flowers today. When no one spoke up, for some reason I volunteered. Ruth had to ask my name (like I said, still a stranger), but gave me instruction as to where to take the flowers.

My youngest daughter and I made our way to the address on the card to deliver the flowers to Louise. When we arrived it took her a while to answer the door, but when she did her face lit up and immediately she invited us inside. She talked about how lovely some of the flowers were that were sent from the church, and then just sat and chatted. I learned that Louise really can not make it to Church any longer due to macular degeneration and other difficulties. I know she couldn't really see my face, but she smiled at me non the less and delighted my daughter with tales of the various nick-knacks she had in her home. She offered several to my daughter who has now proudly displayed them in her room. Louise told me some fascinating stories about her life, her many travels and people she had known, I was entranced, I wondered what she was like when she was younger and about all the people she had known. She talked about the things she still does now, regular trips to the museum when she is able, and nieces who make regular visits. She was frustrated by the things she can't do so well on her own, but it is pretty clear that she's still out there, living, enjoying every moment that she can. When I first arrived at her house I thought I was just dropping off flowers, but I have come away with gifts for myself. She shared the gift of her stories, her warmth and her wisdom and I feel I have made a friend whom I cannot wait to see again. This is why I came to church, to know people, connect with them, to be helpful and to share a spiritual journey...

...I thought I was just delivering flowers...You should try it sometime.

Live fast...

2008-04-18T20:50:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was in my car for over 6 hours. I had spent most of my week in the car and by yesterday I was exhausted, I was about two hours into my trip to Harrisburg when I called our office to whine for five minutes. The truth is I was headed toward a meeting that I love going to, I was just wishing that I could somehow magically teleport myself and cut out the commute.

Just when I was contemplating driving a little faster, I saw a billboard for Sheetz. It had some picture of food on it and said "Live Fast. Eat Well." First of all, I'd like to point out that while the food at Sheetz is great in a pinch, calling it eating well is a stretch...but I digress. Upon seeing the sign, I thought about what it means to "live fast." In today's age it seems we are all doing it, buzzing from one thing to the next (unable to take the time to eat quality food), and missing a lot as we do so. I suddenly got an image of what living fast might look like. It was me on Rollerblades careening down a hill screaming and reaching the bottom tattered, torn and bloody (not fabulous!). Then I contemplated living slow. The image was me playing in a meadow with my children, laughing, smelling flowers and enjoying the sunshine (I'd also like to add that in this image I looked much more fabulous, in fact almost angelic).

After pondering both images I remembered why I usually like the long drives, peace, tranquility, an opportunity to listen to whatever I want on the radio (no 11 year old asking for rap, or a 9 year old insisting on "bubble gum pop" ), and the chance to observe the beauty around me. Instead of driving faster, I slowed a little, relished the sound of Ravel and paid attention to the small farm houses I passed and the incredible view of rolling hills. The rest of the drive was lovely.

Living fast sounds good and in today's age it's almost the expected thing, but living fast really means not taking the time to enjoy a moment. Life is made up of small moments, it's not about the next big thing, it's all the little ones, making mud pies with your kids, laughing while hanging curtains, making lasagna with someone you love. These are the moments we should relish, life is fleeting don't speed it up, take time to soak it all in!

So, if you're barrelling down that hill on Rollerblades, I urge you, direct your body toward the closest bush to break your fall and run to the nearest meadow! Besides, you really have to see just how angelic I do look surrounded by all these flowers...the kids are cute too.

Home

2008-04-14T20:30:00.002-04:00

I was talking to my dearest friend today. She had a realization about "home" that gave her a sense of peace I was so happy to see. I've been thinking about it all day, the power of "home". Home is about more than a house, condo or apartment. There is more to home than the shelter of bricks and mortar. For me, home is reaching my driveway after a long day to see my girls faces at the door as they greet me with smiles and hugs, "Mommy's home!" (I of course also am welcomed by the obligatory grunt offered by my son- warming in a different way). Home is sitting and chatting with my mom over that perfect cup of coffee. Home is snuggling in bed at night with my head nestled in that spot on my husband's chest that was made just for me. Home is knowing every shortcut near my house, and all the neighborhood kids who gather in my yard during summer looking for ice cream. Home is the delivery man from our favorite takeout restaurant up the street, who knows every Friday he'll be bringing me a "Nico's club".

As my friend realized today, home is belonging, to friends, family, a community. Without it we feel lost and lonely. Belonging, having people who know us and people to celebrate our triumphs with, people who love us no matter what and will be there when we fall, that's a home.

I thought about this for much of the day and began to feel broken hearted. You see, for my entire adult life I have worked with people with intellectual disabilities, most of whom lived in "group homes," and I realized, not one of the people I used to work with had that sense of home. I've heard people ask to go home, but they didn't mean the house where they lived, they meant their family home. It's not intentional, but for many who live in these arrangements don't have that sense of home, of belonging. Most of the people I used to work with, were ignored or sometimes ridiculed by their neighbors, I don't remember anyone having a favorite local restaurant with drivers who knew their favorite order. Most of the people I used to work with lived with people they barely liked, but there was an opening so they were put in a house together. I remember one woman, who later became a very important person to me, being told by staff that she needed to say "please" before she could get something from the kitchen. I didn't realize at that moment, such a long time ago, what a horrible statement that was. I am saddened by all the houses I've worked in or visited that were never really homes, just shelters.

Please, if you're reading this and you work with someone or know someone who lives in such a place, tell them sorry. Tell them we tried, but maybe we got it wrong, maybe it's about a lot more than providing four walls and three square meals a day, maybe it should always have been about home...then ask for a chance to get it right this time. Be prepared to listen and act when you ask "what can we do together to make your house a home?"

Apathy

2008-04-13T12:40:00.003-04:00

When we are apathetic...

People are oppressed, across the globe and here at home...

Our environment, our earth, our home decays...

Wars continue...

People starve, are abused, murdered...

And it's all overlooked as we worry only about "me and mine"...

What if the abused and dying were "you and yours"?

Channeling Freddie

2008-04-10T20:06:00.003-04:00

For several days now I have been "channeling" Freddie Mercury. Queen is one of my all time favorite bands and I've been fascinated with Freddie for as long as I can remember. Queen songs have been like the sound track to my life, I swear you can find a song that fits almost every occasion. Anyway, Queen is one of my "go to" Cd's. I have a great fondness of music and it is central to my life, I have music that fits almost every mood and music I choose to produce a specific mood. I've been feeling kind of wacky and stressed lately and when that is the case it's either ABBA or Queen that provides an instant good mood. (I would like to take this moment to thank my parents-some of my fondest memories as a child were set to the music of ABBA, Queen, Elvis, the Shadows etc...there was often music floating through our house). So, I have been listening to Queen and have been singing Queen throughout my days, I have begun to refer to it as "channeling Freddie".

I was channeling Freddie today (actually Freddie and David Bowie), my favorite song is Under Pressure, so I listened to and sang it almost all day. Not only did it lift my mood but I also started thinking about the lyrics.
"love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves"
I often talk about various issues around the globe (much to the irritation of those around me), and I often wonder why more people aren't concerned about our fellow human beings. I think perhaps thinking about issues across the globe can be overwhelming, so people give up. Maybe we need to think smaller. yesterday I blogged about being helpful, perhaps that's the best place to start.
STEP 1- Look people in the eye, connect with every person as the full human being they are, whether it's the cashier at the grocery store or your own children. Once you feel that connection, you'll be grateful for it. It's an amazing sensation when you come to the realization that we are all somehow connected.
STEP 2-Stop worrying about the little things. Are you really in that much of a hurry that you have to get mad when the cashier takes too long? Is it that important? Try focusing instead on the sunshine or the fact that you are breathing, or that you have people who love you!
STEP 3- Stop thinking about the things you want, i.e. more money, better car, designer purse, boob job. We can't take those with us (except maybe the boob job-is silicone biodegradable?) Instead think about how you can leave the world in a better condition than when you came into it.
STEP 4- Start really listening to people, I mean really listening. Turn off the voice in your head, stop waiting for your turn to talk and pay attention to what people are really saying.
STEP 5-Stop judging fellow man. first of all, that's not your job "judge not lest ye be judged," and "forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us," do we really want God to forgive us the way we forgive others? You can never know another man's heart unless you have walked a mile in his shoes.

That's a good enough place to start for now. Give these steps a shot and I promise, life will look up and you'll actually improve the world around you. Like Freddie said "Turned away from it all like a blind man, Sat on a fence but it don't work," So stop sitting on the fence and turning a blind eye, it doesn't work!

Again in the words of my man...

"Why can't we give love
Give love give love give love give love
Give love give love give love"

Being Helpful

2008-04-09T20:40:00.003-04:00

Last week I was on my way home from work. My commute is well over an hour from the office and usually I enjoy the peaceful drive. At home I have three kids, three dogs, two cats, the husband, and a mother.My commute and visits to the bathroom (most of the time) are the ONLY times I'm in any space alone! Every now and then at the end of the day I want to be home as soon as possible. Last Friday was one of those days, I was hungry, tired and just wanted to play with my kids. Ofcourse, this would be the day my car was almost out of gas, so I begrudgingly stopped at the gas station to fill up. Pumping gas, I was counting the minutes(and money) I was losing by having to fill up and felt more exhausted by the second.

I started to look around and noticed a man standing in front of his car with the hood up. He had jumper cables attached to his battery and was going to various men at the gas station asking for a jump. I wasn't sure how long he had been there, but I could see that he was frustrated and appeared hurt when each man he approached turned him away. My car was finally full so I made my way inside the gas station to buy a drink for the ride. While inside, I saw the man approach a few more men and again get rejected. Now at this point I had a choice to make, I could get in my car and continue my journey home or I could take a little more time and offer the man help. I made my way out of the gas station toward my car. I noticed the man did not approach me, I don't know if this was some sexist assumption or if he was being repsectful. I have chosen to believe that he was being respectful. I looked at him and shouted across the parking lot "do you need help?" (I know, here's your sign right). The relief I saw across the man's face was instantaneous, "Oh please, I need a jump." I told him I'd be right over and pulled my car in front of his. Much to my relief, he did everything, I didn't want to have to touch a dirty car battery (I am a feminist but also a princess). The process took maybe 50 seconds and the gentleman again expressed his gratitude and bid me farewell.

On my way home I wondered why, of all the people this man approached, I was the only one willing to help. Was everyone else too busy? Maybe they didn't want to take the time. Did it have something to do with the man's accent? He appeared to be of middle eastern descent. Or, are people just down right not interetsed in being helpful? Well, if there such a thing as Karma or kismet or whatever, When I am stranded on the side of the road with a dead battery, someone will stop to help. When everyone who refused to help gets stuck, they'll remain stuck!

For me, there is no reason not to help our fellow man. If it seems like too much when you see someone needing help, just stop and think about how you might feel if you needed help and noone would lend a hand. We are all part of the human family so let's acknowledge each other, make eyecontact, and do something for someone else! However small or large the help, it will make a difference for the person in need at that moment and it will make a difference for you. Trust me, when you're in need you'll be glad of every helpful act as you get paid back ten fold.

Seen, not heard

2008-04-07T20:30:00.003-04:00

It was about a month or so ago when I received a call from my sons school. It was the vice principal, he manages all the disciplinary issues. This wasn't my first call from him. We exchanged the usual pleasantries and then he got right to the point "Tyler has been engaging in some inappropriate behavior at lunchtime." I was immediately gripped by fear, I grabbed a pen so that I could make notes should I need to make a report to a therapist or psychiatrist regarding this "inappropriate behavior." My imagination immediately began to play about a thousand different scenarios, the foremost of which was the image of my son standing on a cafeteria table proudly displaying that part of his anatomy of which he is currently most proud and shouting "I'm the king of the world!" The vice principle continued pulling my mind away from that somewhat amusing, somewhat disturbing worst-case-scenario. "Well, he has been laughing and moving around..." "O.k." said I, frantically scribbling and waiting for the rest of it...but that was the rest of it. Laughing and moving around, an 11 year old, yup that's just down right scary! After realizing this was the extent of the infraction I had to swallow laughter and sarcasm, "O.K...well...I'll talk to him, thanks for the call."

For the rest of that day I felt several things, shame for having expected the worst of my son, and guilt. When my son was first born I had insisted on living in this school district, I went to this school district and believed it to be the best in this area. After frequent "meetings" during which educators, psychologists and Principles have stared down their noses at me the "bad mother," I now realize that this school district, and I suspect many others are quite excellent, as long as each child conform and for heaven's sake, not behave like children. School is no place to have fun! My son walks to the beat of his own drum, he always has and Lord willing he always will. He is unfazed by the demands that he must somehow stop being who he is and fall into line with the other students. He is interested only in the classes he has use for, and the others he could take or leave. The work he does needs to be meaningful and relevant for him but most teachers will not adapt their style to suit him, not when they can get the rest of the students to conform quite nicely.

I loved that school district because during my years there, I was a conformist. I was every teachers dream. I carefully hid every quirk I now hold dear in a sad attempt to fit in and be accepted, especially by the teachers. My daughter who is now in third grade is a student more similar to myself, conscientious and quite the people pleaser. She is sweet and her teachers love her. Her experience with school has been a completely different one from that of her brother. While she maintains her individuality, Tyler blazes his own path and makes no apologies. While this means that the next several years will no doubt consist of frequent calls from the school, I will only encourage that he be respectful (which he always is) and that he try. But I want him to know that I'm proud of who he is, that I admire the way he knows himself so well at such a young age and that he won't pretend to be something else. I hope that the trail he blazes will leave a nice mark behind him, and make it easier for other students who are "different." I realize how difficult it must be sometimes for other students, any student who learns differently or moves differently or is "different" in any way. I'm sure I'm not the only parent who gets a call, but I hope the rest of the parents show more faith in their kids than I do when that phone first rings. Lets start embracing difference instead of trying to make people fit some misshapen, unnatural and certainly boring mold!

As I child, I was raised to be seen and not heard, the whole time I was screaming inside (anyone who knows me knows all too well how much I like to be heard). I refuse to impose this oppression upon my children, I want to play with them and laugh with them and encourage each and every dream! So, go ahead kids, laugh and move around at the lunch table, express yourselves, teach us stiff adults a lesson! Learn and have fun all at the same time and don't let the vice principals silence who you are!

Did you know?

2008-04-04T19:30:00.003-04:00

"Wartime” said Hitler,” is the best time for the elimination of the incurably ill.“ At the beginning of World War II individuals with disabilities were the first to be killed. It was practicing on these people that led to the refinement of the gas chambers used to exterminate Jews. The practice was called the T-4 or Euthanasia Program. “Patients from institutions were killed in specially constructed gas chambers. Handicapped infants and smaller children were killed by injection with deadly doses of drugs or starvation. The bodies of the victims burned in large ovens or crematoria."

In the United Kingdom, physicians are actively encouraging the euthanization of newborn babies born with disabilities as a way to “spare parents emotional and financial burden.”

In the Netherlands, the Groningen Protocol proposes criteria for euthanizing babies and children with disabilities.

Derek Humphrey co-founder of The Hemlock Society, who has written in his own book, Final Exit, that the “pitiful existence” of "the disabled" is better to be cut short than lived. A quote from Dr. Jack Kevorkian, “The voluntary self-elimination of individual and (sic) mortally diseased and crippled lives taken collectively can only enhance the preservation of public health and welfare.”

A world renowned embryologist Mr. Bob Edwards has said, “Soon it will be a sin for parents to have a child that carries the heavy burden of genetic disease. We are entering a world where we have to consider the quality of our children.”

The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology is urging women of all ages to undergo prenatal testing for Down syndrome, while statistics show that “85% of pregnancies diagnosed with Down syndrome end in abortion."

The U.N. Convention on Rights of Persons with Disabilities recognized in its preamble, “The inherent dignity and worth and equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family as the fountain of freedom, justice, and peace in the world.”

Please stop and think about it.

Please feel free to ask for my sources if you are interested. A person whom I greatly admire, we shall call her Mo has advised me that I should always have research to support what I say, so I've got it if you need it! Thanks Mo!

Finding Fab

2008-04-03T20:00:00.002-04:00

So what's with this whole fab thing anyway? Well, I think I appointed FAB as my nickname sometime in the last year or so. There is this whole tongue-in-cheek thing with people around me that I am fabulous. Now, before you stop reading as you think "this woman is an ego maniacal twit" please read on. For me, finding my "fab" is about acknowledging the things that make me who I am, all the quirks, talents and mistakes that this might embody. To take it a step further I would encourage everyone to find their "fab" and to see it in others. It's not about believing that you are better than anyone else but about recognizing how amazing we all are and celebrating it! This does not mean bidding humility farewell, humility is about accepting that none of us are perfect, we may not always get it right, and we can always grow and learn no matter how fab we may be. Humility is not being the most attractive person in the room but denying it, even though everyone knows it to be true. Humility is not playing down your accomplishments and behaving as if "it's nothing special." Being fab isn't about pride either. Being proud of oneself can be wasted energy as much as false humility.

C.S. Lewis wrote about this most eloquently in his book The Screwtape Letters, so to borrow from a fellow fab..."The great thing is to make him(man) value an opinion for some quality other than truth, thus introducing an element of dishonesty and make-believe into the heart of what otherwise threatens to become a virtue. By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools. And since what they are trying to believe may in some cases, be manifest nonsense, they cannot succeed in believing it and we (devils) have the chance of keeping their minds endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible. (God) wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another."

You see, the thing is we can and should celebrate ourselves and each other. Whatever your spirituality, religion or faith seeing good in yourself and others just can't ever be a bad thing. If we seek out the fab in others as opposed to the bad we may find ourselves happier and making more connections with our fellow human beings! We are all more alike than different and we are all more amazing and good than we often believe. LOOK FOR THE FAB IN EVERYTHING! Before closing, I'll leave you with another favorite quote of mine from Marianne Williamson (this quote was used in the movie Akeelah and the Bee). "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

With these thoughts I'll close. But before going, remind me sometime to write why I am mad at China, Romania, Wal-Mart and Nike-This will satisfy one of my favorite fabulous people whom we shall call Curly! Satisfied Curly?

Finally inspired!

2008-04-02T19:27:00.000-04:00

While I have had a profile on blog spot since February, today is the first time I have actually decided to blog. I read several other's, I recommend Chewing the Fat. I have thought several times about topics, I have a lot I like to say, whether other's wish to read it is a different story. I finally decided to toss my thoughts out into cyberspace and we'll see what happens!

I was finally inspired after attending a training today given by Kathie Snow. I highly recommend that if you're interested in disability rights you visit her website at www.disabilityisnatural.com. Today Kathie challenged an audience of parents, educators, and other "experts" to think in a revolutionary way...to use common sense. I found myself thinking a lot today (as I often do) about how we force people with disabilities into services, expect them to comply with those services and perhaps sometimes expect gratefulness, when all the while we are essentially telling people that they are broken. They have a "problem" (disability) and we can "fix" it. BUT DISABILITY ISN'T THE PROBLEM! WE ARE! When I was already excited and inspired, I came home and read my work e-mail where there was an article sent to me regarding a push from parents toward insurance coverage of autism therapies. Then I saw a report on the news about it. First of all, if newspapers are going to cover these stories couldn't they speak about children with autism as full human beings? These reports are so riddled with pity I could cry, no wonder there is so much stigma, and there are parents (not all, and they are always doing the best they can) who seem to be encouraging this. "Poor me, I have a child with autism" why is it never about "I'm so lucky, I have a child with an incredible wit" or "I have a child with an incredible knowledge of Star Wars and it's something to behold!" Also, the last time I checked, autism isn't a terminal disease! Why do we keep talking about "curing" it? I don't know about you, but I think I would take offense, and maybe not feel too good about myself if people wanted to cure me of my fabulousness!

Anyway, not to drone on, please just consider whose problem it is. Does the person with autism (or any other different ability) see it as a problem, or do we? Are we putting kids through therapy after therapy, and "programs" and behavior modification for them or us? If you really think about it you may not like the answer...